A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So we met last summer through some friends. He seemed really nice, he was cute, he liked MCR (which is a rarity here) and so he asked me out. We had fun and decided to go out again. This time was even better and in the end we kissed. So a few days later we went out for the first time as boyfriend and girlfriend. Everything was great, the only problem was that I had to go on my vacation the next day for a week. But it was fine at the beggining - he called me, texted me etc. And then all of a sudden - nothing. No sign or trace of him. I couldn't call him, cuz it's VERY expensive to call from another country to my country from your cell phone. So as soon as I got home, I signed in on MSN (it was too late for a phone call) and he was online. So I waited for him to say something, but noooo. So I said 'Heeey, I'm back! What's up?' 'Heey, sorry I didn't call you, I didn't have time.' o.O Ummm, okay... So I asked him when could we meet cuz I missed him. And he was like 'I don't know, I've got some problems at the moment, so I'm not going out anywhere, I'll let you know.' So of course I asked what happened and could I help somehow, to which he answered 'Naah, it's ok. Thanks.' He didn't want to tell me. Okay, I understand we didn't know each other for so long, but still... And then after a few minutes he just said bye and left. He didn't even ask me if I had fun on my vacation or anything. I tried talking to him again a few times, but he wasn't really talkative. So again I didn't hear from him. One day I was in my room and my cell rang - it was him. So I answered and it turned out to be his sister, who sounded really upset, checking out if he was with me. Then later I bumped into him while I was out with my friends. So he came up to me and kissed me, and I was like 'I thought you said you're not going out anywhere?' And he said his friends made him do it. Okaaaaay. And then like two days later he asked me if I wanted to go out. And I said sth like 'Naaah I can't, I've got some things to do, I'll let you know when I'm free.' You see, I have had some bad experience with guys, I was lied to a lot so of course I thought he's just messing with me. After that I didn't hear from him for like two weeks and then he sent me a text saying sth like 'Hey, I'm sorry things turned out this way. You see everything just happened in a bad time, I had some problems. I hope we can stay friends.' And yeah so we stayed friends, we still talk on MSN every now and then, we say hi if we see each other in the street etc. And I don't know...every time I see him my heart flutters, my knees start shaking, and...uh I just still like him I guess. But I don't know if I should try anything, cuz I'm not sure if he really had problems or he was just using that as an excuse to not see me. But he really didn't have a reason to do so, things were great between us, we really had good time together. So I don't know... Help?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (1 August 2008):
 This is a tough situation. When guys have issues they often don't want to share them, especially with someone new that they are still trying to impress. Really, what could he have said "I have problems, I don't really want to discuss them, it's not you." He kind of did that. We are never sure if we should pull the problems out of them or if we should give them time and space. The best thing to do is to give him time and space. Which you did.
Then you saw him and he did ask you out again but you kind of blew him off. So now he will not ask you out again because it was left at "I will tell you when I am free." He did apologize which I do think is admirable. If you've been friends for some time now, prehaps his problems have passed. I think it may be your turn to extend the olive branch to him. You do talk to him still so maybe you could just hint around something like "you know I really did have a good time when we went out." He needs some kind of hint from you that you are free now.
I understand completely that you are uncertain if he really had problems or if he didn't want to see you again but I don't think he would waste his time with being your friend. It could be too that this guy is afraid of committment and when he started to feel too close to you, it scared him.
Communication is the key to a relationship and it seems the doors are still open here so walk on in.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 August 2008):
Perhaps his dad got hit by a car and they discovered massive cancers in his legs while they put him back together and his mum got so upset she turned into a an alcoholic drug user and beat the family up. And then his sister got pregnant and there is a mortgage to pay so your Ex has to work 5 jobs through the night with polish cabbage pickers.
You don't know what is going on in his life but it is something serious which means he's tired / broke / something.
Perhaps he doesn't want you to have to deal with all of that. Perhaps he's ashamed. He obviously has a lot on his mind if even his mates are forcing him to leave the house once a month.
You just have to give him time. He obviously cares about you enough to try not to drag you down. He's obviously told his sister about you as she thought he might be with you.
Give him time and space and when he's got his life sorted out then he'll come back to you. Whether you want to wait that long is up to you.
Good Luck!! xx
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