A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (28) and I (29) have been together for 3 years and have talked seriously about selling our own houses and buying a house together. I've been looking at the market and we decided he'd put his house on the market this spring to kick the process off. However, his house is an absolute tip and the kitchen is still only half-decorated. He was made redundant a month ago and I suggested to him that he can use the time between jobs to get the house in order, so he can put it on the market. However, he's not done anything about it, even though I've asked, mentioned, hinted and argued about it with him. He always talks about having too much to do, but his idea of doing more important things is fixing a broken computer mouse, downloading porn or playing computer games. Whenever I try to bring it up now, he just says it will get done and then deliberately changes the subject. This has happened enough times that I feel like I can't bring it up anymore. It's not even something I can do for him as he gets upset when I try to tidy his things away. I don't know what to do and am wondering whether to just resign myself to the fact that he will never be motivated enough to tidy his house so he can sell it and move in with me. I don't want to break up with him but not ever living together suggests this relationship is going nowhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
It could be the job situation, being made redundant is a horrible thing it can make a man feel totally usless, My fiance was cut from his job 3yrs ago and he put in alot of hours worked harder than his coworkers and because he was the youngest it was him who had to go and it completely threw him as he couldnt understand why as he did his job to perfection. So when I met him he was in a bad place with very little faith in himself now he is aiming towards working for himself in something he loves. I understand where your coming from as you just want to get things organised and sorted so you can get on with life as you both had planned, I would leave him for awhile he is going to get bored there is only so many games to play mouses to fiddle with and the porn well he is having a male party, letting his hair down so to speak :)
When it comes to cleaning up most men dont care about how it looks they will clean when they have to sweetheart, Hold back on the house thing for awhile wait untill he gets another job he needs to be motivated for this to happen he has had his bubble burst, Laura 1318 has it down to a tee love give it a little time without the worry pop the house on hold and try to do some exciting things together support him and see the difference its hard love when your plans are put on hold but not the end of the world the best of luck to you both WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Some men are born procrastinators. He may not have the funds to put into his house and he may not be good at doing fix up jobs like that either. He'd rather avoid the problem, than reveal his weaknesses. If the goal is to move in together, then why don't you sell your house. Put the money into a nice savings account and simply move in with him. Once you stop making double mortgage payments, and paying for twice the utilties you may be able to pool your funds together to fix up his house and buy something bigger. Just don't plunk all your money into his house unless you get married. Keep your equity tucked away in case you later have to move out and buy yourself another house. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 His redundancy may be the reason he is feeling lethargic and down about your request. You need to give him more time to find his own footing .
He has lost his bearings and uncertain about his future. There is no motivation for him to do those things you asked as he may feel uncertain about your relationship. He may have loss his confidence and self esteemed.
You should be more understanding and give him more support. Do not put pressure on him or forced the issue. Take a break until he is employed again.
A man does not like others to mess with his things because they like convenience and not aesthetic beauty.
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