A
male
age
41-50,
*r.Right
writes:Hey, I have a problem with my gf, well ex gf. we have been broken up for a few months and recently started talking and trying to sort things out to try and get back together, we both love eachother very much but we dont know if the other can change how we want them to. we fight alot but we both want to be together and eventually get married, without making this too long i will just put a few problems, one is jealousy, another is trust. which r huge but i will tell the rest later once i get a reply. thanx to neone who can help
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ex girlfriend, get back together, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mr.Right +, writes (26 June 2007):
Mr.Right is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx sooo much to everyone for your help, at first i was skeptical about a site like this but now im definately glad i came, infact i bookmarked it lol, and i will be back for ne future problems, and to help others, but hopefully i wont have anymore future problems lol
A
male
reader, Mr.Right +, writes (26 June 2007):
Mr.Right is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya i guess love is blind, well heres an update, she told me today that I cant change how she wants me to change so she doesnt think its gunna work out and that she love me but cant be with me, holy crap i've done everything for this girl and done nothing but love the shit outta her and this is what i get now!? im freakin out!
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 You are not crazy, you are in love. I worry though, she is all wrong for you -- but this is something you will have to go through the hard way. Rarely when we love someone so much can we pull away even though the signs are all there. We just want it to work so much, that we put up with alot and then later ask ourselves why? Sometimes we just don't place enough value on respecting ourselves to allow another person to walk all over us. Enjoy her while you can, and hopefully one day if she doesn't grow up and change her ways, you will find the strength to get out and find a gal who will love and respect you. We have all gone through this at one time or another. I'm doing it right now. I think it's called obsessive love when you love someone you know isn't treating you right, but you can't seem to let go of them either. That's why they say, love is blind. I hope it works out for you in the long run.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Right +, writes (26 June 2007):
Mr.Right is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I feel she is being dissrespectful aswell and I tell her that and her answer is basically "too bad, u dont control me i can do what i want" meanwhile if ur in a relationship u can do what u want but its also ur responsibility to know what u shouldnt do out of respect for your partner. and i even say to her that its not appropriate for her to be out getting drunk as possible, it makes her look immature and and easy target for perverts at the bar. and yes she does explode over some things, she tends to overreact for some things, i dont think she would ever hit me tho, but i know if she did that would be the end of it. and as for the shoe being on the other foot, she thinks what she does is ok but if i did it she would get mad. wow it sounds bad to type out lol, but i do love her like crazy and i want to be with her, or maybe im just crazy? lol
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (25 June 2007):
I never think it's acceptable for someone to yell and scream at the person they (claim to) love, and call them every name in the book. She sounds a little explosive. I would question how deep her love really is for you. She may not like your mother-hen-jealousy but that's no reason to beat you up verbally. She should at least recognize that's it's coming from a place of concern for her safety. Perhaps you need to ask yourself how often she explodes on you. Once a month?...Once a week?...Once a day? Pay attention to the frequency of her temper-tantrums. There may be a pattern and over time she may get worse. Does she also explode over other things?....You could be entering into an abusive relationship (and yes, women have been known to hit their men....it's never pretty). Wonder how she'd feel if you started going to bars or strip clubs with your guy pals. Perhaps she'd see the light if the shoe was on the other foot. She's being somewhat disrespectful in my opinion. It's fine to go to lunch with your girlfriends, it's okay to go to happy hour once in awhile, as long as she comes home at a reasonable hour and not snockered drunk. But she may be crossing the line with her behavior. Only you can decide if this relationship is worth the pain.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Right +, writes (25 June 2007):
Mr.Right is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell the things she wants to change in me would be that she likes to go a party and drink and go to the bar with her friends and i dont like it because her friends r immature drunken idiots and they try and get her into stupid situations. i just dont like her to put herself into situations where bad things can happen, but at the same time i hate when shes at the bar and a million guys hit on her, so she wants me to stop being jealous and she thinks i dont trust her, and when i get mad she yells at me...alot calls me every name in the book and thinks its fine to do that, shes very mean when we fight but when we arent fighting i feel like the luckiest guy in the world. i guess the main things to change would be for me to not be jealous, and for her to not be so mean and to atleast consider me before she makes dumb drunken decisions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Jealousy can even be good in a relationship, IF! in very small proportions, else it becomes irritating and harmful. Why does it appear in your case? Concretely. And what do you want to change in each other? Certain aspects can't be changed, they'll result in denying yourself, but if the compromises are not very big you can work it out. Tell us more.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Right +, writes (25 June 2007):
Mr.Right is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx alot u guys, very good advice, and neone else please keep it coming, i appreciate everything, as i feel she is the one and i really want it to work for us.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Both jealousy and trust are the two biggest hurdles in any relationship and if you have not got trust and you get jealous of everything then the way i see it there is no relationship as you can never truly be happy like that.
I would agree with YummyMummy it would probably be best to have a break from the pressures of trying to get your relationship back and just see how things go as just friends.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Right +, writes (25 June 2007):
Mr.Right is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just dont know how to go about gaining back eachother trust tho, ne ideas? i dont know what to do and its stressing me out to no end and i feel sick to my stomach 24/7
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (25 June 2007):
Generally trust issues come from past experiences where one or both of you were let down by someone close to you, so you have difficulty trusting others after that. Jealously usually stems from the above. But sometimes people who are not normally jealous, become jealous if the person they're involved with causes them to feel threatened; i.e. too much flirting with the opposite sex, being too friendly or overly interested in other people can sometimes leave one mate feeling left out and jealous. Keeping ties with your ex'es is a sure sign of creating problems in future relationships. Having too many friends of the opposite sex can also spell trouble with current relationships -- and both can be avoided. You have to understand what kind of behavior you may be doing that's causing her to be jealous (or vica-versa) and be willing to make changes in how you handle yourself in any of these given situations, especially if you've already realized your mate is sensitive to certain things. By all means, don't provoke feelings of insecurity or jealously deliberately unless you want the relationship to fall apart. Showing another person you're committed to only them, takes time, effort and change. You have to both be willing to meet in the middle if you want these issues to subside. On the other hand, you must examine the things that cause someone to become jealous and make sure they aren't over-dramatizing every situation simply because they're insecure. Only you can be the judge of this and take appropriate action. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Trust is a major part of a relationship and unless you two can gain trust in one another than the relationship will not work. Why not take time away from trying to get back together and just be friends and see if you get the basis of a relationship back on track. Gain the trust of each other as friends and then go from there.
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