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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi. I don't at all like the situation I am in.I am an attractive 35 year old woman, I have lots of love and warmth to give and I just long to live a normal life (at least what I consider normal) but I can't.I love my partner and he says he loves me but we don't live together. We used to for over a year but he didn't like it (said I was in his face too much, did his head in) so now we live apart. I hate it very much.All I know is how to share my life. I get very lonely, depressed and anxious living on my own. Honestly, I have tried everything to make the situation easier and better. I have tried to meet people, joined groups, events...you name it, I have done it. I am still trying all I can to make things better for myself, be more independent. But I am what I am and I am old fashioned. I want to be married, I long to settle down and I just don't see the point to my living on my own.I want to be there when he gets in from work or for him to be there when I get in. Going home to an empty house...it fills me with real despair, you can't imagine.I have no family near me.I think perhaps in the future we will live/be together properly but that could be a while. At this moment in time, I am staying at his as I have just been diagnosed with low grade ovarian cancer.I am trying to look to the future. I am a strong woman, I have battled against the odds to be where I am now and I do consider myself independent. I just hate to live on my own without my boyfriend.I have spent my life sharing so I do not enjoy sleeping on my own, doing what I want when I want, etc.Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.Many thanks
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (2 August 2006):
 Hi dear,
There is nothing wrong or old-fashion about u wanting to get married, having that closeness with someone who u love.I think it is a matter of preference really what each individual wants from their state of affairs and if this is what u crave and would make u happy then why not?
my own advise would be to re-evaluate your present relationship. See where it is heading and how long u crave for the fulfilment you want. You have to talk with your partner. From your posting u indicated that he didnt like the idea of you two leaving together intially, what does he think about it now. Has things improved now that u are staying over?Does he think the relationship can be that of a lasting issue. You have to find out if he thinks he can settle down with u in the new future or have u move in.U have to access if the relationship is worth the while and if both of your future plans are in unity.
if your plans are different like him still not wanting both of u to stay together then i think u are perhaps wasting your time in the relationship becos it is never going to get to where u want it to and u are likely to get frustrated in the not so far future. But if you are sure that there is hope and future between u two and he has what u indeed inspire to get out of a relationship then work together to achieve that.
I think u are doing a good job though going out to meet people and engaging in alot of activities. It is important to have a good social life and independence, it is good to relax and enjoy onself.
Wishing u all the best. Kelly.
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