A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this co-worker that I use to talk to. She was nice, beautiful and fun to hang out with. All my friends couldn't believe that I was that close to her. The funny thing is, I never felt attracted to her. I always thought of her as a friend. I was overly nice to her because I just felt open and laid back when she was around. I never once flirted with her but sometimes I believe she wanted me to. She would sometimes locate me for a short talk but not before initated a close hug. It usually caught me off guard because I'm not use to hugging a cute girl.I have a habit of. . .not talking. When I say that, I mean I usually walk past a girl that may have talked to me recently. I don't know why I do it. And I know some girls just think I'm not interested. But the truth is that I am. I just came out of a serious relationship so I think I'm just holding myself back from engaging in any friendships with girls I can potentially fall for. Well, I did this to the girl a couple of times. The first two times she acted like it never bothered her. The third time I walked past her she basically hunted me down and wanted to know if I was going to continue ignoring her. It honestly caught me off guard. I knew that I wasn't talking to her but I didn't expect her to make it so personal. I expected her to just fade away like the rest when I pretended like they didn't exist to me anymore. Well, when she did that, something kinda made me like her a little more, but not enough to WANT her.Being the idiot that I am, I fell back into my habit of not initiating conversations with her. When she caught me on the phone she would playfully act jealous (with a straight face I might add) and ask me who is the girl I'm talking to. I would then playfully reply "I'm trying to call you but you're not picking up." We would both have a laugh. Somehow I felt like she was being serious about her question, though, another thing that made me like her a little more. Let's put it this way. The more interest she showed me, the more I realized that I liked her.Well, I fell yet again into my habit of walking right by her. I think she finally got tired of it and decided to ignore me as well. She probably thinks that I don't care because I've yet to even say hi to her in the last 3 weeks we haven't talked. I do talk to other girls, girls that affects me in no emotional way, and I do catch her staring at me from time to time. Sometimes I think I read jealousy in her eyes and sometimes I think she's disgusted by the fact that I can initiate a conversation with lesser attractive girls than with her.The truth is, I wish I could talk to her but I'm just too afraid of it evolving from friends. The last thing I need is someone else tugging on my heart strings. I finally got over my ex, I'm not ready to be emotional again. All my friends seem to think that she's the most attractive girl in the store. I honestly don't see it. What I do see is a very pretty girl that I use to talk to. But definitely not the type of girl I usually go for. Just the other day she was asking some other guy about me. He told me that she was asking questions about me but he forgot them. I thought that was odd. This guy also had a crush on her so I can't really say that his info is trustworthy. He said that she told him that I flirted with her. I was stunned by that because I never showed interest in her like that. But I guess she may have confused my friendliness with flirting.Sometimes I do want to talk to her but I'm not sure how she would react. She would probably ignore me because I did it to her. She would probably think that I'm interested in her, but I don't want that either. All I really want is to befriend her again. It's not a friendship that I can't live without. I can definitely forget about her and call it a day. What keeps me thinking about her is the way she looks at me when she doesn't think I'm looking. The look that seems to say "I was so nice to him but he's pretending like I never existed"Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but how should I approach her when the situation is like this? I want to be her friend again. I just don't want to come off as some jerk that just wants to hit on her, like so many guys have.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): I think you need to move on and let her do the same. You say you're not attracted to her, that you don't want a relationship with her, that it is a friendship you can live without, but on the other hand you come on to DC and ask how you can befriend her again, that you think she is beautiful, pretty and fun.... This says that you are very confused, you ignore her, but then regret it and then say you want to keep it as friends.
I can only imagine how confused this girl must be if those are your actions. I think you do have strong feelings for her, but you are suppressing them, because you don't want to get hurt. But its not fair to ignore this girl and then want to talk to her whenever you feel like it. Either that or you just enjoy the attention of a girl chasing you.
If you want to do the right thing, let her go. She obviously likes you as more than a friend and its a bit cruel the way you behave towards her just because you don't know what it is that you want. Besides she probably will ignore you back because you keep doing it to her.
This doesn't even make for a good friendship if you won't even speak to her, so what's the point?! My advice is just move on and allow her to do the same, then try to address the reason behind why you suppress your feelings towards people and try to overcome that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): You can start off by saying sorry and explaining yourself, and you can even tell her how you feel, just take things slow in your case. Your saying hitting on her makes you look like a jerk but to be honest she probably rather have you hitting on her than saying nothing at all.
Why you doing your best to make this situation so difficult, this post gave me a headache, if i was your friend id give you a backhand and tell you to wake up.
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