A
male
age
36-40,
*asavior
writes:So here's how it went down for me. I've had a friend for over the last twenty years. He's also my backyard neighbor (meaning not back to back, but corner to corner). Were both 24 and still living at home. Because his family is so friendly they've allowed people to live with them over the years, and about six years ago a girl a year or two younger than us moved in with the them. A year or so later we became good friends and I developed a crush. It seemed mutual (not to I alone but friends as well) so I 'confessed' and got rejected. Fast forward to July 2008. A couple months ago she broke up with a boyfriend she's had for two years (and yes, still living with my friends family). Seeing as she's no longer at his house all the time, so she's hanging around at home more often, the place I already visit often to see my life-long friend. So we become good friends again. And yes, I develop that same stupid crush again because she's still that great fun and exciting person I liked before. I know it's visually obvious but this time I don't act on it because I know the results. But one night changed that. We were playing cards one night and the liquor was flowing. Next thing I know she crossed to my side of the table, gave me a back rub, ended up kissing me and one thing led to another. Over the next month and half we hooked up more than a dozen times. She invited me to concerts (she bought the tickets), beaches, her family gatherings twice, and was planning on Vegas and Catalina in the next couple weeks, just us. Shed hold my hand while walking down the beach, hold me close at the concerts, and generally be extra close in non-bedroom scenarios. In bed she would tell me how much she liked me, throw around the words "I love you" (as women do to friends) and word thing that made me question what we had. So last Friday things got confrontational and I said I couldn't separate "friends with benefits" anymore, and she in a.. 'heartfelt' explination said she had no romantic interest in me. So crushed again.I don't know what to do. Do I try and salvage a friendship, or do I cut the cord and consider it to potentially damaging on my psych. It's hard enough to make friends and I only have ..2-3? I'm at a loss on where to go.
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male
reader, Shipwreckd +, writes (16 September 2008):
 That's good to hear - and maybe this will be a case of time doing it's thing. You're young and have a lot in front of you to look forward to. You sound like, despite everything, you're a good guy with a solid head on your shoulders. You'll find someone astounding. Be patient. :-)
A
male
reader, lasavior +, writes (15 September 2008):
lasavior is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Shipwreak, i appriciate all input. i accidently left a fact or two out in my haste of writing, i got caught up and submitted the story pre-maturely. What i accidently left out was that we had never discussed the intent and where it was or wasnt going, and made no mention of being 'friends with benefits', i just threw that in cause thats what it was. when i explained to her 'i cant separate being friends with benefits anymore' i also explicity said 'im not expecting anything more'. i didnt expect to be the rebound out of a multi-year relationship, and didnt want to be. i started to really like her and needed to stop. but i was more saddened than i expected.
im going to take your advice and cut the cord. if down the road we can salvage anything out of this debacle, i'll be sure to keep my distance, but your right. i need to get myself worked out and simply move on.
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A
male
reader, Shipwreckd +, writes (15 September 2008):
Wow - quite the pickle.
First, she just got out of a two year relationship. I don't blame her for not wanting to jump from the fire to the frying pan.
My opinion is you two shared a "moment" and that moment is over. She has tried to tell you, in the best way possible, that she's not looking for a relationship with you.
It sucks and that's why they call it a crush - cuz that's how you end up. A bit crushed. However, it is NOT the end of the world, and if you CAN separate friendship from sex, then you can also salvage the friendship. In saying that though, you may need to cut the cord for a time so that you can stabilize yourself.
Ask yourself what's more important - carrying a torch for a girl that has moved on from you, or moving on and finding a girl that IS into you?
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