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*aaspin
writes: My partner of 4 years left me and my 4 children a week ago and gone back to his family, who 2 years ago turned their backs on him. We argued over the stress of money and debt. I love him so much and want him back but don't know what to do. We were due to marry July 2005 and only last week we went to the doctor's as we have been trying for a child of our own, but had no sucsess as yet. Since been back with his family he will not talk to me at all. I have tried everything to get him to talk but getting nowhere but a visit from police. I love him so much, what can I do .....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2005): I often wonder about the statistics on people who leave just before a wedding. In some cases, I think it's old-fashioned cold feet. In other cases, perhaps the person has fallen out of love, and they jump ship before the PERMANENT committment because it's their last chance. Either way, this is not your fault, and unfortunately not something you can control.There are pieces missing here. How old is he? Is this his first marriage or second? Does he get along well with your children, or is it a combative environment which led him to believe he might not be welcome as a stepfather? He may have simply become overwhelmed by the reality that he will be caring for children that are not biologically his... and another on the way will lead to the 'blended family' issues. Also, if you are already arguing about money and debt, he may feel the future stress of having five mouths to feed. Still though, I am not defending him -- just giving possibilities. Sounds like kind of a heel to leave you at such an odd time.However, I find it hard to believe this guy was Prince Charming and then suddenly decided not to talk to you at all. This pinpoints an uncaring character flaw, cowardice and disrespect. I'm guessing this isn't the first time he has tuned out emotionally. If you can accept these things and still have love for him, try to leave him alone. Make no contact whatsoever and try as best you can to move on, even if it means the scary prospect of beginning to date others again.You have nothing to lose with this option. If he doesn't love you enough to have you for a wife, you will have begun the grieving-healing process. If he does love you, the mere idea of you possibly getting together with someone else may bring him running right back -- but just be careful that your dating is for YOUR benefit to get to know new people. Don't be one of those rebounders who just does it to make your ex jealous... then you have 3 hurt people instead of 2.
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reader, bluebird +, writes (15 May 2005):
I have a feeling, like so many people, he is freaking out about getting married and if his family is not encouraging him to talk to you then his fears are probably worsening. Give him some space and time. If it is truly love he will come back but right now he's not ready and trying so hard to talk to him that the police get involved will not let him come to the conclusion. There is (regrettably) nothing you can say or do that will cause him to come back to his senses. He has to come to that decision on his own. You also have to think about whether or not he's worth all the pain he's putting you through. I know how devastated I was when my fiance left me and I know it sounds cliche but you will feel better with time and with any luck so will he. Just remember he needs time and so do you. Whether he comes back or not you will have a lot of healing to do. Take care and spend this time with your children, let them cheer you up.
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