A
female
age
30-35,
*egan44
writes:Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years next month. We haven't had sex in nine months, though he regularly asks me for oral, but if I say okay, but I want oral in return he says no. We live together, I feel confident he isn't cheating on me as we do alot together, meet in uni, etc. He blogs 24/7. We argue about this all the time but I feel silly asking him to stop. He watches porn, which is fine considering he's not interested in getting release any other way. He can't make me orgasm, which I am fine with, but I think it bothers him... I recently have began to suffer from depression but he is convinced that I'm being ridiculous about it all and isnt good at helping me through/isn't interested in helping me. I feel ugly because he shows no sexual interest in me. However, he is lovely alot of the time and I love the romantic person he used to be. Any advice would be great :)
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 As two previous responders imply, it is easy for a guy to grow very content "receiving" oral satisfaction while being lazy about returning the favor. Indeed, this is totally selfish and unfair. I've been there, only briefly - because I soon learned that pleasing my woman "FIRST" resulted in even better and more enthusiastic blow jobs. Young fellas probably don't yet know that. My advice: Withhold the blow jobs until he reciprocates in kind.
A
female
reader, champagne69  +, writes (14 October 2011):
Although my longest relationship is my current one at almost a year, I'm going to try give my thoughts on this one.
Firstly, he asks for oral and you give it to him, but you ask for it in return and he says no? I think that is extremely selfish. One of the reasons I enjoy recieving oral from my boyfriend is because of how much he WANTS to please me, how much he WANTS to give me an orgasm, and he does not give up.
So if you do that for him, then he should freaking return the favour, you deserve it! And him being your partner, and for quite a long time, I think he should WANT to give you that.
In my experiences also, when a guy has not been able to make me orgasm, it bothers them a lot. So I think that may be something to do with his uninterest in sexual activity with you. I don't know why you can't, I know only 70% or something of females can even orgasm full stop, and many can only do it through masturbation and not from their partner.
As for the depression, I've been dealing with an eating disorder for four years, and in my last relationship, the guy always told me I was stupid because of it, and when I thought I was become depressed (runs in my family) he told me I was being ridiculous also. Does not make you feel good at all I know.
And not everyone thinks of it this way, probably very few do, but I don't see the point in being with someone who you don't see yourself spending your life with. So if I was with someone who was not going to support my health and emotional wellbeing, then I would tell myself that this person obviously isn't caring about me as much as they should be. He should want to help you. But like most males, he probably thinks your just a female overreacting and seeking attention.
And please go take yourself out, do something that makes you feel beautiful, because there is no reason you should be feeling ugly. Every woman is beautiful in her own way, and you deserve to feel that way!
I would talk to your boyfriend and work out what's going on with the sexual position between you too. I just don't think you would want to carry on without any sexual intimacy or support from him.
I hope it works out! Goodluck. :)
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A
female
reader, ZoeyMadeleine +, writes (14 October 2011):
after a year or many of a relationship things die down and get 'boring' or people know that they are in a stable relationship and feel the need to not make the effort all the time. it sounds like your boyfriend is getting a little bit lazy as he only wants to to perform oral for him and won't give you anything in return. maybe try to bring the romance back into the relationship and spice it up!; go out for candle lit dinners, go to see a romance in the cinema, go out for a walk hand-in-hand, do something spontaneous together; something neither of you have done before (sky-diving, skinny dipping, hire a boat). it seems like he has got too comfortable with the relationship and doesn't feel the need to make much effort. you need to make him want you, buy some new sexy clothes, change your hairstyle...BRING THE ROMANCE BACK ;)hope this is able to help you in some way!!!! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): Ok I noticed that you don't have balance in your relationship, and that he is unfair and selfish. I had a bf like that also, when I was about your age, and I could not understand why he didn't want me. It doesn't matter if he's cheating or not, 9 months without sex and not trying to do anything about it, feels like a dead relationship. Move on, there are PLENTY of men out there that are way better, trust me. Depression is not ok, it makes you physically sick, and you need a wake up call to get you out of there. Talk to someone who has an objective view of things. You are young and full of life, and you shouldn't be accepting this lifestyle as "normal". And there is no feeling like getting an orgasm by the one you truly love.
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