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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, My wife had a brief afair with a married man at work 6 months ago. She says she's not interested in him now but I find that our relationship is more strained than before. I feel that my wife dosen't love me although she says she does but she dosen't show much affection towards me. Our sex life is suffering we only have sex when SHE wants it and thats not as often as I would. I feel I can't initiate sex as it would be onesided or I'll get rejected. She has recently started working full time at the moment and also does weekend overtime and says she is too tired but when she gets home especially at weekends she is on the phone to her family or friends for a longtime so I feel that I am not getting any attion. I have said to her that we need quality time together or our relationship will breakdown. We have mention seperation and she has more or less left that decision to me. Can you suggest how we can save the relationship although I don't feel like there is anything worth saving. Thanks Mr Hopeful
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (4 December 2006):
 "... I don't feel like there is anything worth saving."
I think your own words sum up your position on the matter.
I'll assume for the moment that you don't have children. It sounds like both of you have taken each other for granted for a long enough period to drift apart. This relationship is worth saving only if both of you work to save it. If even one of you does not want to put in the work, then it's long past the time to split.
If you do have children, then bear in mind that the choices you and your wife make will have a lasting and possibly damaging effect on them. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (3 December 2006):
 If your wife says she still loves you, you need to talk again.
Do not be so quick to give her up! At least without a fight anyway.
When she comes home from work, have a run bath ready for her with candles and petals to surprise her.
Make dinner but do not expect sex but try to be romantic to try and win her back.
Give it some time as she probably is not feeling very proud of herself right now.
However, if the above does not work and your wife does not think of your feelings, she should be the one to reassure you, be prepared for a possible separation.
Good luck xxx
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