A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for just over four months. He was very affectionate while we were dating but as soon as we got married that changed. We only had sex twice on our week long honeymoon. He does not even kiss me or cuddle with me. We went four weeks without have sex after about a month and a half of marriage because he never wanted it. Every day when he comes home from work he sits at his computer until he wants to go to bed and then he says he is too tired for even a kiss. He is only 23 so I have no idea what caused this change. He still says I am the most beautiful women he has ever seen and that he loves me more than anything. I have never wanted to get divorced but I feel so awful and unloved and sometimes I just want to have an affair but I would never really consider that. I have talked to him about it and he says that he will change, but that usually lasts about three days and then he gets back into his normal habits. I have no idea what to do.
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male
reader, oldsoul78 +, writes (14 October 2008):
Hmm... well, I've kinda been in that situation, but I dont think i've ever turned down a roll in the hay for a night at the PC. Things like WOW are an addiction and there are documented cases of people letting REALLY bad things happen to feed that addiction. The folks i used to play with used to schedule a IRL meeting once in a while just to get off the box and make some human contact. The other thing that broke the chain for me with that stuff was getting into something else that took up the time from "games" and actually contributed to my self worth (starting my own business). Ever try taking a few nights off? (you personally) go hang out with your parents, or friends, go out a couple nights a week and see if his attitude changes. (im not saying go have an affair... keep it clean!) Perhaps he's just in a comfort rut where he's just taking for granted that you're going to be there. Maybe miss dinner one or two nights a week and let him have to fend for himself... its a real eye opener and it really screams "HEY IM SERIOUS!".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): I asked the question and I think I should give a little more information.
I have talked to him about how much this bothers me and how unloved I feel, I have told him what I need but it has no effect on him. Usually when he is at the computer he says that he has to do work but he is just looking up random articles or searching for TV shows and movies to watch on Netflix. I have tried doing something sexy for him on many occasions, I have even asked him what he likes and what fantasies he has, but he just pushes me away and tells me that we should get back to work (me cleaning, cooking dinner, baking, and doing homework and him playing on his computer). Most people consider me very beautiful and sexy so I am not sure why he finds it so easy to push me away, it feels like he does not have any “man urges” and he has actually told me that he does not need sex. He plays WOW and I tried playing with him, but he says I go too slowly, I can easily keep up on Diablo but he does not like that as much. We are both in school, but I am very good as managing money so we do go out to dinner and have dates but he still never wants to be close to me. The only time he really seems to like being close to me is when I am giving him oral sex, but I hate having that as my only form of connection with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): you need to get him away from the computer.usually this is a bad sign,ive been through this.now dont get me wrong,i understand that some people use their computer for work related things in the evening....BUT theres no reason to sit there all night.he should be payng attention to you.i would be curious what hes doing on there.tell him you cant tolerate this any longer and that there need to be some changes.if he loves you he will understand and start paying you the attention you deserve.if he doesnt,then you need to think about whether you really want to stay with him and put up with this.it takes two to keep a good relationship
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A
male
reader, oldsoul78 +, writes (10 October 2008):
Gonna go out on a limb here...
1) Have you tried to just do something spontaneously sexy for him? IE put on some lingere (or whatever hes into) come into the computer room and just tease the hell out of him until he can no longer ignore his "man urges"?
2) What's he doing on the computer? If hes into an MMO game or something like that, perhaps ask if you can play too. Perhaps show some interest in what he's interested in and the interest will be reciprocated where you want it.
3) Make plans. Plan on a night where you go out (if its financially viable) once a week. Try not to break the plans. Get some couple time in there away from the home and computer, start talking again, (perhaps tossing in some dirty talk) and re-connect.
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