A
female
age
51-59,
*ifewhoistryin
writes:I am very active sexually. In fact, I just sucked my husband off this morning before we left for work. I probably give it up to him 3-5 times a week.So please, someone tell me why he has to sneak around and watch porn?I am one of those women with a slightly over the top sex drive. I enjoy porn too, and we watch it together probably 3 times a month or so. Yet, he has a desire to surf porn anytime I am out of the house for an extended period.I know for a fact he watched it today at noon, even though we had our little fun this morning. Since I am willing to watch it with him, this leads me to believe that I am not what he wants physically. I think he truly loves me, but maybe my recent 10lbs of weight gain is too much for him?We have talked about the porn, but he just makes me feel guilty for bringing it up. I don't want to be a nagging wife. I HATE BEING THAT WOMAN. I tried ignoring this behavior, but my curiosity gets the best of me, and I end up checking his internet. It's like a sixth sense. I can just feel when he's been up to surfing the porn.If we didn't have a good sex life, I could somewhat understand. I even watch porn from time to time without him. But you can set your watch by the fact that if I am gone for more than 2 hours, he is surfing porn. It disgusts me. It makes me feel inadequate. And he has made it clear that I am not allowed to discuss this with him.
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period, porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Thanks everyone for their responses. Everyone, but in particular Emily and Phil really reassured me that I'm probably making more of this than I should.--wifewhoistryin
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Emily is absolutely spot-on as usual. Trust me, that's the way it is. I wish I got a blow job three times a week! You've got a lucky fella there and I bet he knows it!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (11 March 2009):
What you need here is an answer from a man. Since all you have so far is people agreeing with you and that is not helpful.
Go and search for husband and porn in the little search bar at the top of the site. We get SO MANY angry wives and girlfriends here talking about their other halves looking at porn, I think all the guys that give useful advice on this kind of thing have got bored of typing out the same answer again and again.
ANYWAY. From what I understand, men look at porn in the same way we read Jane Austin. We love romance and they love visual sex.
The reason he looks at these women is NOT because he wants them more than you.... it's BECAUSE they look nothing like you and therefore he can have a horrible little wank in 2 minutes and then dump them back in the drawer. No foreplay, no cuddles afterwards, no feelings, just a quick jack off.
When he's with you it's all about caring, he LOVES you, when he does stuff with you there is EVERYTHING you have EVER done together attached to it. Sex with you is this big amazing beautiful thing and that takes time and thought and effort and everything.
With girls in magazines, he won't even remember what they look like 2 minutes later, and that is why they are perfect for a quick knock off before the washing up.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (11 March 2009):
 I'm willing to bet that when he watches porn he is replacing every woman with an image of you... Just a guess.
If you're sex life is so great, then I wouldn't worry too much. Porn can lead men (and women) to gain an unrealistic expectations of what sex is and should always be like. But if you two are filling each others' sexual needs, then he is not on that path. Or doesn't seem to be.
The real issue is that he doesn't respect your feelings about him watching porn without you. Rather than ask him what he is getting from porn that he is not getting from you (because I'm sure it's the other way around), ask him what about porn draws him to it so often. Maybe he watches it for the laugh value, since the "acting" leaves a lot to be desired.
Ease up on how you approach him, re-word your questions, and he should open up.
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A
female
reader, nadeen +, writes (11 March 2009):
 That sucks I am going threw a somewhat similar issue myself and from what i understand is your guy needs to please himself so he can keep it going for you, weird i know but sex with you alone becomes repetitive and its nothing about you or the 10lbs but it is what it is so when he can change it up a bit he can keep it going strong for you as to not let you down. hope this helped
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A
female
reader, justice09 +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Sometimes I wish porn was never even invented. Once you've seen one fake set of boobs and a flabby vagina..why do they have to go back for more and more? Porn is stupid. It might be ok for a couple to learn new things and improve their sex lives. I just don't see the point in it. If I were you..I would put him in your position. Me and my boyfriend got into it about porn..and I said..how would you feel if I put a video of myself on the internet naked for other men to see. I made him choose..and since then..We're a lot happier. Porn is rude, degrading, and very hurtful. It even tears relationships apart. But, then again..different people have different beliefs.
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