A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years. And I think it might be time for us to go our seperate ways. We have a 3 year old daughter who makes this situation the hardest. I want to do family things, hangout and make friends together. Save money for our daughter, vacations, and for nights out. He doesn't want to open an account with me or contribute to my daughter savings. We have nothing to show for the 11yrs we have been together. We have not went on any trips or nothing. He is antisocial, no inspiration and jealous. If I want to go out I have to fight for it to happen. He doesn't want to do playdates with me. I am just fed up. He does have some good points. He is a good father, cooks, cleans and gives me money for the mortage. But I want a future and He doesn't want to plan for one. He doesn't want to go to counseling. Recently I told him I didn't care anymore. Now he is asking me if I want to leave him. He is getting mad about it. I don't know what to tell him anymore. If we do breakup I don't want it to be a bad breakup because we have a daughter together. What to do? Unhappy Comments appreciated
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 I am so glad that you have had the courage to do this. It takes a lot of courage to make a big decision like that, so many people wouldnt have done it. But it shows that you are strong and woman not to be triffled with!
Good on you!!!!
Let us know how you get on!!! You have to stick with your decision, more importantly for your daughter as it is no fun growing up in family where the love has gone!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour responds has been great. To update the situation I have told my Bf that i no longer love him we are selling the house. I want to be a family again but the sparks are gone. I can't even kiss him sometimes. I told him the only thing that is going to help us is counseling. So he has until we sell the house or I am going to make the decision to walk and hope it is the right one. Scared but I know I have to do whats right for my daughter.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (27 April 2007):
Have you considered perhaps taking a break. During that time you can work out what you want to do.
You obviously love him, but you need to work out whether you love him enough to live with the way things are, or whether you want to call it quits.
Yes having a child will make matters hard, but its not fair a child living with parents that are not happy. Kids pick up on a mothers feelings and she'll know that you are not happy and that will make her feel unsettled. I know because my sister was in an abusive relationship and her daughter picked up on her moods and reacted to them by becoming crabby or just crying the whole time. It wasnt fair on my sister or my niece.
A stilbirth is also something that is very difficult to deal with but even if he was hurting, its no reason to cheat and no excuse for his behaviour. You didnt deserve that after everything you went through!
If you have a little time out, it will give you time to work out what YOU want and what you NEED for your daughter. There are people that will support you whatever you decide to do!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo here is an update. I had a dream that my boyfriend told me he cheated on me. So I ask him if he did..( I told him I got anymonous info) He broke down and told me he cheated on me but we were broken up for 3 mths. I honestly in the 11yrs we have been together don't remeber us breaking up no longer than a day. But there was a time when I was pregnant long story short I had a stillbirth(lost the baby) at 9 mths it was a hard pregnancy for me. during this time he was a jerk n an A*hole. So recently I ask him when, he denied for couple days(saying he didn't know when) I asked again and I said was it when I was pregnant. We did seperate I went to live with my cousin but we still saw eachother on/off.That time of my life brings tears to my eyes and all the drama I went through I feel I should break up with him. I don't know what to do because we have a child together.
Hurting
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (16 April 2007):
First and foremost is the wellbeing of your child. Living in a home where parents argue non stop is very unhealthy for any child.
You are clearly unhappy with the way things are, and you both want different things from the sounds of it. You have mentioned counselling and that crashed and burned, so it sounds as if he too has perhaps had enough of the arguing.
I always find in situations like this that a little "time out" either sorts the problem, or makes you realise what "you can have as opposed to what you have". Perhaps its time to take a step back and discuss not breaking up, but a seperation. Absence does make the heart grow fonder and that way, if its meant to be, then you will both come to a compromise. If its not meant to be, then you will both realise what you want is different and that you can have the life you want, just not together.
Food for thaught!
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