A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 16 I started dating the most popular guy in my school, He was captain of the rugby and soccer team, one of the top 5 students in our graduation class. We thought we would be the power couple, in 2006 we were 22 and in college. One nigth we went out to a party and him and a bunch of his buddies got really drunk and ending up in a fight with a riveal frat group which resulted with one of guys being so badly beaten that he died. Everyone in our community was shocked to find out my boy friend was one of the guys involved. Normally he isnt a violent person, and usually not even much of a drinker. Just weeks following the accident I found out I was pregnant. I gave birth to my daughter Ellie, just one month before he was sentenced to prison. He was released 6 months ago and he has been around regularly spending time with our daughter. He has ask me to try and pick up our relationship again. The more time we spend together the more my feelings come back to me. He isnt a bad guy, he wouldnt hurt anyone and he really loves Ellie. What will people in our town think if we start dating again? Will people treat Ellie different as she gets older if the know he was in prison?I nned everyones help on this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Hi, I too have a child whose father is in prison and I know how hard it is to try to do the right thing especially when others are telling you different. I guess what I can say is that as long as you are both putting your child first at least you are on the right track. I believe that people can change, but it's a process. Everything from the alcohol, and anger issues need to be dealt with. Like why some guy's can't see that when they drink too much they fight, and that all fights can risk in someone who is also part of a family, being killed. After he's dealt with that he'll need to deal with how he's going to contribute back to society and provide for his family, and then come to grips with how to be a dad which is the hardest but most important job of all, Doing a Parenting course together can help- I believe that if i'd commit a crime by accident or not, in which causes death, that i would either try to be the best person that i can be or not be deserving of my life. But that's just my opinon, if he is sorry and wants whats best for his daughter he will do whatever it takes to get the help he needs and value you and himself enough to ask for it. Just keep it real, and if it doesn't feel right, then you might need to think more about it. Good luck I am still learning :-)
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 He wouldn't hurt anyone, except the guy he beat to dead.
There might be a future but not if you put blinders on.
I want to know just one thing. Does he still drink? You know what happens if he gets drunk so he really should never, ever, drink again. If he does, then he hasn't learned a thing.
A 2nd change does NOT mean a change to make the same mistake again. See if he has really learned his lesson. He might, but be sure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This man is your child's father, not some random guy you met through a prison pen pal program, and it sounds like the two of you are working to rebuild your relationship and create a stable family for her. That's all that's important--not what the other townspeople think. He has served his time and paid his debt to society and I certainly hope that no one would treat your child unfairly because of a mistake her father made in his youth. Have you considered relocating? Your relationship might benefit from a fresh start in a new town.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I might be stupid or naive about this, but from the way you described him he sounds like a good guy who made a really bad mistake. An athlete that got drunk and in a fight that went too far. If he is nice to you and sweet to your daughter and you guys still have all these feeling for eachother I personally would say that you should try and make it work. You have been together for a long time too so I'm guessing you know eachother really well, if you say he's not a violent person and he would never hurt you or you daughter I really think you should at least try. You shouldn't care about what people in your town think and everybody should be smart enought to realize your daughter had nothing to do with it, so why would they treat her differently? Just my opinion I think you should try and make it work. Hope this is helpful.
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