A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A girl at work (married and devoted to her family as am I)who has never strayed and myself started getting along very well having worked together for a few years. The result was a grabbed hour of lust that did not go all the way but came very close and would have done had we been in a better place. We both know we made a huge mistake and there were alot of tears when we agreed we should not do it again and we get on as if nothing ever happened. The problem is although we have put this behind us and it really has tought us both a lesson, I care very much for her and possibly have fallen in love with her and we have to work away together sometimes. I just feel so bad about the whole thing and wish it had never happened as I feel I have hurt her and let her down terribly for allowing us both to get carried away. I can't do this to my family neither can she and we both agreed that this will never happen again. What should I do as I am so depressed?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): If you love your wife, and she loves her husband, you should stay with your respective parties. If you don't want them to get hurt, and care about them that's whatyou should do.The last thing you should do is not talk. You can't just assume. You have to talk to her about what happened, how you feel and what you personally want to do. This can't go on, good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I wrote earlier and I am the woman that was married for 17 years and fell in love with my colleague. I also was in a loveless marriage, yet respected and "loved" my husband, as silly as that sounds. He is a good person and we actually are still good friends. Again, I think you can love someone, but not be IN LOVE with them. I had NO intention of ever cheating or leaving my life...yet I found my soul-mate and best friend. How long have you been married? Are there kids? Is that why you do not want to leave? What do you mean bonded to her in other ways? You say your wife is not affectionate and neither of you ever will be again. Were you once affectionate? I am only making you think about what is really wrong in your marriage. You found someone that finds you attractive, sexy, intelligent and makes you feel good about yourself. It is so dizzying waking up in the morning and you can't wait to get to work to see them and laugh and flirt...I know, I was there. You need to ask yourself one question...if your wife found out, would you be OK with this? She would never trust you again and if you stayed married, it would be a negative, unforgiving and sad atmosphere. And if your wife found out and your colleague did not divorce her husband for you, would you be OK to be alone? Also, think about your wife for a moment. If you do not feel loved, sexy, wanted, do you think she feels the same? Are you looking for love, or just the excitement of the affair? Something has changed in your marriage. You must make a life decision here. Either work to find out how to make your marriage what you want it to be or know that you will always be looking for that someone that makes you feel good and wanted and sexy. I really did try to make my marriage work...I would have stayed and given up my soul-mate to "do the right thing") After living this, I will tell you that it is hard. Everything in your life changes. If you do not want to divorce your wife will you continue to have an affair? It may or may not be with her. We are all human and life is too short to live in a marriage that does not give back...search your heart and do what will make you happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:- Thanks for your input. I am in a quandry as I love my wife but the affectionate side of kisses and cuddles has all but gone and, as mad as it sounds I do not want to leave her. I need the affectionate side which I know will never come from my wife nor from me to her anymore but we have a strong bond in other ways. My colleague at work loves her husband and is in the same predicament which is why it all happened - excitement, attention, affection. This is a tough one to deal with I know and I hate the fact that I feel that I have hurt my colleague and she feels the same way too. How do we deal with all these emotions, it's crazy, I run a succesful company and can deal with anything but this one's beyond me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): I had an affair with my collegue and fell in love. I too loved my husband of 17 years and was devoted to my family. I could not believe it happened but was not sad or disappointed, nor did I regret it. I would have never believed that I would have ever left my husband, but it happened. I don't believe your marriage is as good as you think. Mine was not, I was missing affection but would have "lived with the situation" because it is the thing to do. I also think you can love someone, but not be "in love" with them. Is this the case with your wife? Take a step back and make sure it is not just the excitement your after. At first, being attracted to someone is fun, exciting and new. You get that high feeling and you feel wanted and can't wait to talk or see them. Remember, reality sets in eventually. If she is upset about this, let it go. She is confused and needs space. If she is unhappy in her marriage, she needs to end it. As for you, remember why you married your wife. Maybe rekindle the flame. Maybe your wife is flirting with someone else. How does that make you feel? What if she would have had sex with another man? You say you love her very much, but something must be wrong...figure our what it is...I found my soul-mate and married him. It was a LONG road and had alot of bumps along the way. Two families were broken up. I suggest you make darn sure you would be OK with a divorce, or that you are OK with the guilt that comes along with an affair. It does not sound like it, but why are you thinking you are "in love"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:- we did not have sex! We came close but it did not happen although it would have done in any other place. I can not look for another job as I am a director and she works for me. And before anyone asks I did not abuse my position in any way it was a mutual thing that happened and it was wrong. I can not go into the details but it was 50:50. It is correct that I am devoted to my children and I also love my wife very much, is it wrong to love two people?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): When you have sex with someone, chemicals are released that make a bond between you and the other person. Wether it be a one night stand or whatever.I'm amazed you think that you are devoted to your family? What you mean is your devoted to your children but not your wife.I doubt your in love she hasn't had to wash your underpants yet, your wearing rose tinted spectacles.Only one way out for you, and that is to start looking for another job.Good luck
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A
male
reader, auvi  +, writes (1 December 2007):
well, staying close for a long time have made certain bonds between you two. it may not be love but this is what that caused such moment. you are matured enough to keep it in limits... just stay as friend and be honest to yourselves
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