| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: hiwell I know this sounds funny but I need help.. I happened to get involved with a friend of mine and we shared a physical relationship. Then all of a sudden she decides to get married to someone else, who is a well known person but happened to molest her during her childhood.. and she has not kept in touch with me ever sinceI'm feelin depressed and can't handle the situation. pls helpthanks
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (13 July 2005):
 After reading any responses, please consider calling a therapist. They are trained to help non-evasively. They help you to peel back the layers and untie the knots that get you into trouble in the first place.
She could have used that as well as she is definitely choosing to become a victim of a bad person again. People tend to go back to the chaos they know, even if there is a promise of something better that they don't know (nor even try to know.)
Oddly it is a safety issue. No matter how bad a situation is, if you are used to it, you think you are safe, even if abuse is involved. It is a mind trick.
You can do nothing for her except, if you know he is a pedofile, then, call the police. However, if you have no proof, only her word, (not necessarily gold,) then I'm afraid your only choice is to take this time to figure out why you found yourself attracted to that mess in the first place.
There are always subtle clues in all people that tell others what the future will hold. The problem is that most people mistake chemical stirring, for love. Love is an action that conveys respect and commitment. She shows neither to you. You get depressed.
First, double check your emotions. If you feel unable to move and absolutely no motivation to improve, very lethargic and numb, you are suffering from depression or despair. Despair will pass over time. The basic description also tells you what to do. Sit with it for a bit. It is okay to be very sad and to feel rejected. Try to force yourself to exercise (think of your next love...) Even if you can only walk to the street and back, do it. If this does not lift in any way in say a week (not all better, just a bit,) then help might be necessary.
If you feel a simmering energy that burns a bit in the pit of your stomach and you are even feeling a hate swelling up, it could be anger or frustration or rejection. The feeling difference is that you can't just sit with it. This feeling is telling you to act. To do so constructively, research emotions, exercise, stay with friends and keep yourself busy. Over time the feeling should also get a bit easier.
If you are feeling extreme discomfort and you are afraid you will over react or will do something you regret, see a doctor. Sometimes, in the beginning of self discovery, it will go faster and more efficiently if you get a pro to coach you.
Use this as a learning experience so that you can avoid this in the future. Also, consider yourself lucky. She is big time trouble and would cause you a lot of grief if she chose you. Also, consider yourself lucky that she chose the other guy since we tend to pair off with people who are just as messed up and unavailable as we are.
If she was not as attracted to you- good! That says a lot about your character comparatively. No less than a child molester would do for her. If she was smart, she would have over ruled her unhealthy compulsions. And if you married her, imagine the miserable life you would have had when the savior role got old. Your kids would have been in serious danger of molestation and abuse since she would have had to recreate her childhood misery eventually. What kind of woman chooses to marry a guy like that? She is already victimizing any future child(ren) she might have. Let's all pray one of the two of them is sterile! What a prize when you think about it! Breath deeply and breath your sigh of relief because that was close! God must really love you to force you out of that situation! Start thanking him perhaps?
Good luck, it isn't easy to do the right thing and to live a healthy life but mentally thank her (and God) that she showed you her true self sooner rather than later and for not dragging you straight into a life of hell along with her!
A
female
reader, Alex123 +, writes (13 July 2005):
Hi i think that you should forget about your relationship and move on and find someone new because you can't waste your life on a happily married person because you will get hurt even more you will have no fun, so my advice is too move on and find someone new Alex xxx
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (13 July 2005):
Sounds like a difficult situation. This girl sounds like she just used you for sex, move on with your life and forget about her
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2005): I had to write to you as I experienced a similar thing myself recently. My apparently wonderful boyfriend deserted me, returned to his manipulative, miserable ex girlfriend and didn't even have the emotional maturity to tell me that we were finished. You will probably be feeling shock, loss and betrayal. Considering the circumstances, it sound as though the person she has gone back to can manipulate her. This will be a physically and emotionally stressful period for you. Take time to look after yourself and time out to heal, I understand that being betrayed is the most sickening, hideous feeling but it eases with time. Draw on the support of family and friends and people you can trust. Sever all ties with her. Right now it may not feel like it, but your life will be better without somebody like that in your life. Take moments to cry and mourn the relationship, but try to get out and involve yourself in activities that you do not associate with this girl at all.I understand what you are going through, but now I just feel lucky that I've got that poisonous person out of my life for good. All the best, take care
...............................
|
