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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I've been with my GF for about 2 years now. Up until a few months ago it'd been great - but she's changed and I've been unhappy.On Sunday just past, things came to a head and I told her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with her anymore. She was devastated, crying her eyes out to me, begging me for another chance.The following night, Monday, I gave her that chance. She made an effort, but decided to have a lengthy text conversation with a bloke she was friends with years ago - who I brought up in conversation (man I wish I hadn't now.)There's no past between the two of them - he had a long term GF at the time when they were friends, but I don't know if they're still together. However, although nothing happened, they were quite flirty with each other, forever playfighting etc.I told her on Monday night that I wasn't comfortable with her meeting up with this guy again, given the flirty history. I'm not a jealous / possesive guy; I give her her freedom, and let her see who she pleases, I simply let her know that I wasn't comfy with it. However, at the time, she was still busy texting this guy and it fell on deaf ears.Last night, I texted her after work, asking if she wanted to see me (She doesn't normally on a Tuesday night). She replied that she was sorry, but had made other arrangements. You guessed it, she was meeting this guy. I let my emotions get the better of me and told her she was as good as dumped, and swore at her. She denied that I'd ever told her that I was uncomfortable with the idea (makes sense, she wasn't even listening.)Late on last night, she didn't contact me. I left her a message before bed-time telling her how hurt I was. This afternoon, having still had no response, I texted her again. I asked her to pick up her stuff. She replied simply saying "Can we do it another night please". I asked why, was she busy. "No, I just don't think it's a good idea." I replied "I'm worried that something happened last night that you don't want to tell me about, and that's why you've been ignoring me." She replied "No, I've been ignoring you because I was upset by what you said and I needed some space". I replied again, pouring my heart out. She replied simply "I can't speak now, I'm at work." That's the last I've heard from her.My heart is in tatters here, I wasn't happy in the r'ship, but I love her, and she loves me. In my heart I don't think she cares for me anymore, it's unlike her to ignore me for this long and go without contact, especially with the whole Sunday night "I love you so much, please give me another chance". What happens now? Any input is welcome, thanks for reading this long post. (sorry).
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): You and your gf need to give each other a break and stop this toxic lobbing back and forth and cease playing immature, hurtful mindgames with each other. You said it yourself, you love her but you are very unhappy in this relationship. I get the sense...who you are, is truely diminished in this relationship and you both may feel like you may just be 'settling'. You both appear to be feeling trapped and just sliding along and being there is not what you both really want but you and she are afraid to make the first move and just walk away from all this dysfunction and pain. Dysfunction is the 'key' word here...you are in a very dysfunctional relationship and you both will end up devastating each other, in the end, anyways. Walk away...get some space...take time to think, long and hard. A healthy relationship where you both maturely love each other...is a relationship wher you both feel honored-you feel alive- there is always that that nuturing and support for each other to become more of who you both are. There is trust, respect and your partner is more than you could've know to ask for and you wonder how you ever became this lucky. You guys don't have this. Let each other go. Perhaps, with some time, maturing, developing and gaining more insights...you both can take up where you left off someday. Or...you can reach out to her and re-commit yourselves to each other and work darn hard at renewal. I think you both need to communicate without hurting each other. Perhaps a good couple counselor can help. But you both can't keep causing so much pain in each other like this. You will end up hating each other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): Hello! Well a couple of years ago the guy I was seeing told me the same thing (that he wasnt sure if he still wanted to be with me) but then I begged for another chance and I got it. But I was devastated still, because I felt totally unnwanted, you couldnt blame me! I wasnt the same afterwards around him, I was soo hurt (we broke up shortly after that because he didnt want me anymore).
So as looking from my point of view, I would say that shes very very hurt by what you said. She says she needs space, Im sure she does. As for that bloke, maybe she needs a friend right now, and a bloke can give a guys point of view? you dont know so dont jump to conclusions straight away! I think you need to meet and talk bout it reasonably without swearing and getting mad, sounds hard but if you really want to sort it you've got to take some action. I hope things get sorted out either way, take care.
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