A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. If i text her, she doesnt reply. Yesterday she said she is busy so can meet. I asked her to meet for 5-10 mins so she got super angry and said lot of things. She then said she wants to be friends. I said we are best friends so she said "Of lately i feel like we arent even friends". I became quiet cz i didnt know what to say. She thought im overthinking and will start another fight and she got more angry.i had lost a childhood friend so i was upset but she thought im gonna start one more fight. Then she told me she used to love me but not anymore. I got super upset on that and kept quiet. What do i do now? its like she wants to be friends but then she doesnt want to talk/meet me. Im really hurt by whatever she said. I asked her did she really mean all that but she never replied. Now i dont know how do i approach this situation? Do i try and talk to her or just ignore her and let her be.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 January 2019):
 MOVE ON. You're not meant to be friends. It's clear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2019): Would you still consider someone a friend that you have to force to be one?
It doesn't matter what she said before. Listen to what she's saying now! She's jerking you around.
You are really desperate, obsessed, or infatuated. That's giving her far too much power over your feelings and emotions.
She got herself a man. She prefers a penis, not a friend at the moment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Andie's thoughts
most of fights cz she delibrately provoked me. I would say i will not fight n then that day or next day, she would delibrately say or do something to provoke me and then when i get angry she would say I was just testing you to see if you'd actually fight with me. And now I am being blamed for everything..!!!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 January 2019):
OP, it's a load of rubbish. Friends don't argue so much - especially not after only 9 months of knowing each other. You're not compatible as friends.
Dial it down. You can be friends without needing to make it to best friends status. You've come on too strong, by the looks of it. Just catch up occasionally and chat like you would with other people, not a best friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut she said and i quote " I want to be friends with you. I want to be normal friends with you for now and with time we will become close. I need time maybe a year to be close"
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2019): She no longer wants to be friends with you. What is so difficult to understand? Stop trying to win her back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2019): This is the problem:
"We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things."
In the short span of 9 months, you shouldn't have a lot of fights; if you are two compatible spirits. Who wants to call a person a friend you spend a lot of time fighting with?
You may have a problem with your temper; or you may be too clingy as a friend. Sometimes people need to be left alone until their tempers cool-off; and they've had time to get-over the disagreement. Keep in-mind, people lose patience after a series of arguments and disagreements. If you have to fight a lot, it means you don't get along; and you might have personalities that clash.
Love may have been too strong of a word to describe her fondness for you. So don't hold her to it.
Tell us what all those fights were about. As you recall them, remember what lead-up to each fight; and how you behaved. You can forgive people only but so many times; until enough is enough. She may have picked fights on purpose; because she was tired of being friends.
It's best to leave her alone. She doesn't want to talk to you right now. Give her space, and respect when people ask you to back-off. Lean towards your maturity, you're not a child. You're making the relationship seem romantic, rather than just friends. Is it?
Perhaps there is a misunderstanding of what kind of friendship it is. Assuming there is no deception behind it being one thing for one person; while being something else altogether. We get a lot of posts where people are trying to manipulate a heterosexual-relationship into a gay one.
It seems you may value the friendship a great deal more than she does; and may be placing a lot of demands and expectations on her to prove herself to you. You may not be considered her bes- friend; and she might have declared so too soon. Now that you know each other better than you did from the start.
Remember, we are free to make our own distinctions and labels of honor we apply to people. People don't have to agree with them; nor do they have to live-up to our standards or criteria to maintain that distinction. Unless they want to. You can't force them to. You may have also over-estimated your compatibility as friends.
You might be applying too much pressure on her to prove she's your best friend; or come across as too needy. She simply may not like your ways, or feel you're too pushy.
Mind your manners. How you correct or criticize people; and show respect for their opinions and values. Don't presume to dominate over people; some don't like to be bossed or controlled. You may be the more assertive personality between the two of you. If she's petty, you're wasting your time anyway. You'll just fight most of the time.
The honor you bestowed upon her as your best-friend may be one-sided. She may not feel you've reached that level of honor quite yet. Even if she might have said so. The shine starts to wear-off new things.
Nine months is not a long time; and it may have only been a trial-period. Perhaps the friendship has run its course.
Take a break to rest your feelings and emotions. Spend time with family and other friends to seek comfort and support.
Don't concentrate all your feelings and emotions on one person. Maybe you need to date, and not focus all your unfulfilled needs on your friendship; emotions more applicable to a romantic-connection. Sometimes a friend just wants to be a good friend; not the best, or your only friend.
Lighten-up and back-off. Get a hold of your emotions and chill a bit.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 January 2019):
9 months of fights isn’t a best friend situation. Let her go and move on.
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