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male
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anonymous
writes: A few months ago me and my partner split. It was over her being interested in another man. We got back together and I told her she was never to see or speak to this person again. I have recently discovered she has not only been emailing and texting this individual, but has also loaned him some money. I feel guilty for invading my partners privacy, but she has shown time and again that she cannot be trusted. From the nature of the messages that I have seen I do not believe they are having a physical relationship, however i am most upset at her dishonest behavior. Should i confront my partner? If so how should i go about this?Regards,Depressed 'n' Confused
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female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
dump her and move on she cant be trusted at all!
A
female
reader, joyous7 +, writes (8 August 2006):
First of all, do NOT feel guilty about anything. I have been through the same thing and the guilt you are experiencing is inappropriate. YES, confront her. The ones who are betrayed are the ones who suffer the most. Don't suffer alone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): I agree with Eyes. Did she agree to your condition?
What is her side or explanation of why she feels she can break this condition for ths other guy?
It is apparent you do not trust her and with just cause.
She left you because she went with the other guy and still is having a relationship with the other guy. NOT GOOD.
I would tell her how you feel about her verbally agreeing to your condition and how it misled you to believe her. Because of her actions you are now struggling with trusting her and that isn't what you want.
Any good, long lasting relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust.
Does she even want a long term relationship?
Tell her you love her and you do want to make this work but her texting the other man doesn't make you comfortable or happy. Ask her if she has any ideas how to make the relationship work where you will BOTH be happy.
Who is the other guy? Have you met him? Will she let you text him? What is he thinking?
Be firm and be smart. If she even has the slightest hint of having no desire to make it work as it will require sacrifices on both your parts; then it isn't going to get any better.
I hope I was able to offer you some insight.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 You said you told her to cut all contact with the guy but did she agree to do it? If she agreed then she has broken the agreement in spades. You obviously can't trust her so ultimately you are going to have to decide whether you are better off with her (as she is, mind you) or better off without her. Your call, good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): God you poor sod. I was in the same position as you with my ex girlfriend of 8 years. I found the text messages and she lied through her teeth. You must talk to your girlfriend but whatever she says to you, you must realise she is having an emotional affair with this other man which is just as bad as sex. She is confiding in him, rather than you. I do not know where your situation will end up, but my ex has now shacked up with the bloke she was having text message liasons with and very shortly after finishing with me. Like your scenario there was nothing sexual going on betweeen them before she left.
There may be nothing going on at the moment but if you argue with your girlfriend she will either (1) Do what you say and cut all ties with this new bloke (2) Pretend to cut all ties and carry on emailing and texting as before (3) Dump you for him.
You have to be very careful because whatever you do, in my experience, will probably drive her closer to him.
I think for your own sanity you have to confront her and explain the pressure this is putting you under, especially as she is lieing to you again. Explain you trust her but she must stop as it is coming between you, and if she had any feelings for you she would realise this. I think there may be a strong chance that she has fallen for this other bloke and the clock may be ticking. Perhaps you should cut her free as she doesn't seem very concerned about you now - sorry to sound so pessamistic but I recognise the signs all to well.
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