A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. We are both in our mid to late 30's and both have custody of 2 boys from previous relationships. They are all very close in age and seem to get along fairly well. My bf and I get along very well, and have an amazing level of communication. I've never had a relationship this wonderful before. Neither one of us really wants to get married again at this point, simply because we are a bit gun shy of the whole idea. This isn't to say we aren't committed to each other. He has recently had some very serious problems with his ex-wife and is currently going through a custody battle with her. She is a major source of stress between the two of us. I feel that she is trying to parent her children (who live with him) from a distance and has gone so far as filing false allegations of child abuse against him in an attempt to regain custody. He is a wonderful and caring father. This should explain the magnitude of the problems she is creating. My bf and I see each other several times a week, and the boys and I spend one or two additional evenings with all of us together at his home. Does any one have any experience with this type of situation? Should I go ahead and tell him I think it is time we move in together? Or should I just continue on as we are, and wait for him to approach me? I feel that he is content with the relationship the way it is, and would continue like this for years and years if I don't say anything about wanting to take the relationship to the next level. Any advice or comments would be welcome. I'm simply looking for some additional viewpoints.
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ex-wife, his ex, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (5 March 2007):
Thank you for your feedback, I am really glad you are happy with the decision you too. I hope it works out for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been almost two months since I posted this question, and I took your advice. I told him how I was feeling, that it was time that we started thinking about taking our relationship to the next level, and left it at that. "No pressure, just think about it," I told him. Just wanted to say thanks! He asked me to move in with him just recently and we are planning on doing so sometime after the weather warms up. I was afraid that he would decide that moving in was not the right thing to do, but I am so glad I took the chance and spoke up. Now I really know how he feels, he wants me and the kids. A great feeling!
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (9 January 2007):
You say you have excellent communication in this relationship. If that is the case, communicate your thoughts to him and ask him for his opinion. Tell him you are happy as things are, but tell him that if he is interested in the idea, you are ready to move in with him. Tell him you would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages, and see what his thoughts are.
There is nothing wrong with asking the question, and there is no need to wait for him to approach you, if it is a desire or feeling you have. How would he ever know unless you communicate that too him? As long as you are prepared to communicate the idea carefully first without pushing it on to him, you can't lose. Worst is, he disagrees and wants to keep things as they are. At least you know. That is of course, as long as you will be happy with that, so as long as you are prepared for that outcome, go for it.
Good luck.
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