A
female
age
30-35,
*aregiver199124
writes:My fwb and I have both managed to catch feelings for each other. Our talks are no longer all about our next meeting, we text from good morning to good night throughout our day. Our conversations have been getting deeper. A few days ago we were having a talk about just how much feelings are on the table here... he chose the topic of being more. We've been fwb between serious relationships for years, I didn't think he was being serious... the topic has NEVER come up before. oops. He told me 'I bet if I told you that you we're mine, you would be lol.' I didn't take it seriously. I responded with it's a good thing I'm such a bitch, that would never happen... my latest break up hangs out with the same people. He always bad mouths me, so the fwb and I joke about how absoultly horrid I am. I meant it jokingly, and had I known it was serious time I would have responded differently. I do, really like him. And I've wondered what would happen, if something ever happened. He said he just wanted to know if I would have said yes or no, and then 20 minutes later he told me it wasn't a joke. Now I don't know what to do. Our talks are still deep, but now he seems so down when we talk. Anything you got for advice is appreciated, I don't know how to either take it up a step or be like we have for years.
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female
reader, caregiver199124 +, writes (16 July 2016):
caregiver199124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOur talks now aren't like they were as FWB. And feelings are still talked about, but they stay only briefly and the subject is over. And using those benefits hardly comes up, and when it does it never happens. I didn't respond to his texts today, if I wake up to my good morning text I'll be brief. When he asks what is bothering me I'll put the ball in his court. FWB is off the table. It doesn't work when there is feelings attached, and we've both admitted to having them.
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (15 July 2016):
Yep you sure seem stuck...he isn't moving forward to you with this, and you tried to lay it out there. Sounds like for now at least its not going further - I'd start to date others if I were you, distract yourself and put this on the back burning. Do you think he's trying to calm it down to what it was before?
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A
female
reader, caregiver199124 +, writes (15 July 2016):
caregiver199124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell ladies, am I reading him right? Its been just about 2 weeks, and at this point all we've got time for is some texts throughout the day. He is at work when I wake up, and asleep when I get home. I wake up to his good morning message. He wakes up to my good night message. Our work schedules clash HORRIBLY but can and, if something happened, would. All of that being said, he makes a point to ask if I am seeing anyone, and makes sure to tell me he isn't. He apologizes if he is busy and cannot reply right away. But will NOT talk about that conversation. I've graduated to pet names. The ex talked about in my original post, talks about the relationship more than we do. Ex always has something to say, and all because I asked if this guy, I'll call him 'M', wanted food with his birthday buzz. It seems like we are now caught in a loop. I don't know where to go now.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (2 July 2016):
Hes back off a bit- which isn't a surprise given a text of I cant stop thinking about you, given your arrangement up till now. Try and keep things light. Don't text more than you would have before. Try and mirror what his texts relay at the moment rather than putting it all out there! There's no rush... Maybe suggest a coffee at some point of he fancies as an opener, and leave it in his court
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 July 2016):
 What you need to do is treat it like you're friends. Right now, because you've been FWB, you're acting like you're in love or already in a relationship. Don't scare him off. That said, if he does get spooked, you still shouldn't do FWB any more; that's over.
No soppy texts. Take breaks in between texts (don't read his straight away). Don't talk about anything important over texts. All I'd advise is to ask him out for a coffee, then you can talk about it all in person. If he starts playing games, let go and move on.
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A
female
reader, caregiver199124 +, writes (2 July 2016):
caregiver199124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe haven't talked about it since that night. And I had a jump in hours, so we have only been texting. I've told him I couldn't stop thinking about him, and he told me I'd better calm down. I'm so bad at this. To me it seems like that's him back peddling. I'm already fantastic at pushing uncomfy buttons and making him think. But if he is back peddling and didn't mean it, I don't want to push it on him. I feel like a twitterpaded idiot.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 July 2016):
You're not stuck; you're insecure - like most people. He's finally told you how he feels, so give dating a go :)
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A
female
reader, caregiver199124 +, writes (1 July 2016):
caregiver199124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe hang out, and are always mid conversation. We've never gone out on a date. For about the last year our 'benefits' have slowed and our talks have gotten longer. I like him, more than Id like to admit. But I cant get him to put it into words. I have a really hard time sometimes believing I am something special. I'm just a mom, who works nonstop taking care of other peoples families. But being fwb I shouldn't miss him when we don't see each other, and I defiantly shouldn't have the need to kiss him after a double shift. So I feel stuck.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (1 July 2016):
What are you scared of here? Trying something deeper and losing him if it doesn't work? Do you not think now feelings beyond fwb will lose him if you don't take a leap of faith anyway? If indeed you feel as he does that is....
Which would you regret more?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 He has admitted feelings for you and vice versa so to carry on with a FWB situation would not be wise, because someone would end up getting very hurt. You have kept going back to each other for years, so it sounds to me like there was always a spark between you both. Do you feel you would work well as a couple? Do you go on dates and hang out with each other? I honestly think that you should go for it. Tell him you like him and ask him does he want to make it official. It could be the start of something really amazing. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 July 2016):
Well, this marks the end of the FWB because it would be silly to continue it after feelings have come about. However, if you like him, why not go on a date and hold off on the sexual stuff for 3 months of dating? You already know you're sexually compatible, but now you need to see if you're romantically compatible, without the distraction of intimacy.
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