A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Will a relationship work between two people that are both quite emotionally closed? I feel I am that way, but my boyfriend is too. This hasn't been a problem in past relationships as the guy has always been very emotional and opened up about their feelings a lot which has made me comfortable doing so aswell, but with my new boyfriend (we have been dating a few months) he does not communicate his feelings at all and so I don't feel comfortable doing so either! And its making our relationship feel superficial as we never talk about anything more than trivial everyday stuff. We haven't even told each other that we like each other / want to be together - we seem to have communication barriers at even the smallest hurdle. I tried to say a few things but I didn't get much back from him so I backed off. I like him though and I'm sure he likes me too as his actions say he does.. but I feel like it's never going to progress to a deeper level. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): for now it's not a big deal because the relationship is still new it could just be he needs more time to get comfortable enough.
even if he's not saying much, why let that stop you from telling him how you feel? Think of it as just giving him information, not as trying to share a moment with him. maybe you have to model to him what it looks like to open up to someone. But I wouldn't do this forever though....if years pass by and you know nothing about him or where you stand with him yet he all your deepest feelings, this is a highly unequal relationship and you should end it if it gets to that. But that's still pretty far away, for now I would say keep on sharing your feelings with him even if he's not reciprocating. you have nothing to lose, this early on in a relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): You can't exactly ballroom dance with someone who doesn't know how to ballroom dance. You can't sing a duet with someone who can't sing at all. You can't play tennis with someone who doesn't know how to play tennis. You get the drift...?
you're trying to have a relationship with someone who either doesn't know how or who does but wont'. either way I think you're better off looking elsewhere for someone who does know how to be in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Consider giving it some time. You mention that you've been dating for a few months. That's not a long time in the grand scheme of things, therefore it's too soon to talk about "wanting to be together." Perhaps you two just need a little more time to open up.
It's not fair that you compare this guy to your past boyfriends, everyone is different. Who knows, maybe he was heartbroken in the past and now he's a little more guarded. Guys can find it difficult to open up, and you can't expect him to do it for you right away just because he likes you.
Trust takes time to build.
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