| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: So me and my bf of 4 months broke up last sunday. We decided to be friends. Then we decided to be sex buddies.Then he became jealous of me fooling around with other guys too. We're currently friends who have sex who are exclusive. Complicated I know, and not too different from actually going out, but there you go. We've talked a little bit about what's going on...we both agree that we feel dead inside. What's wrong with us? It's like we know we should be back together but neither of us have any passion anymore about anything in life. I just feel unable to love because I just feel empty. Stuff got really heavy near the end of the relationship. It started out as a summer love and it was amazing, then when I started college we kept going because we loved eachother, but I was feeling dragged down by work and he lost his job and his home, in the end I ended up just as a source of food and shelter for when he needed it. Things are better for him now, he's moved back in with his parents and is looking for a job. He seems happier, and we broke up because he was depressed. We both agreed we needed to be single, but sometimes I wish I was still with him. Quite often actually. Right now the time we do spend together is great because it's got the fun part of the relationship that we lost when I started college. The other day after sex I just gazed into his eyes for a while, I'm not really sure why. He told me to stop because it reminded him of us being together. I'm confused. Help me! xx
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, jealous, lost his job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): First of all...all you whiners bitching about "fooling around" (OOH MY GAWDS! A GIRL FOOLING AROUND!??!11/12//???????) should shut up. There's nothing wrong with a girl messing around with other men...especially if she's just broken up and needs some physical comfort...ESPECIALLY if she takes the necessary precautions and doesn't take it too far. You know what they call a person who thinks girls have to be perfect little suffer boxes who never explore their own pleasure? You guessed it...sexist pigs! And if they're women it's all the more embarrassing.
To those of you who don't understand how the could be in an exclusive sex buddy situation while "fooling around with other guys," check your reading comprehension skills. She made it perfectly clear that fooling around is in the PAST while being exclusive with her ex is in the PRESENT. It's as easy as ABC.
Now on the the topic at hand.
Get back together or break it off. You cannot have "no attachment sex" with someone that you are strongly attached to. You will both continue to confused yourselves and each other emotionally, and this could cause some real damage.
Get back together or break it off. Tell your ex that he can either be your boyfriend or he can be your friend, but he can't be your exclusive sex buddy AND your friend because that's what a BOYFRIEND is.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2006): why are u having multiple partners? u know what women are called with multiple partners. hello, STD's. yah anyways to make ur ex jelouse, break off the whole sex buddies and u wont need to worry or care about his jelousy
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 What's wrong with you two?
You're playing games that are messing with both of your heads. You think you can cook up some modern non-relationship / relationship where you get the best of all worlds. But sadly life doesn't work like that.
You feel empty because you're behaving in a way that is stripping the meaning out of your love, sex and and relationships. Do you think that fooling around with these various other guys whilst trying to have meaningful connection with this man is going to not make you feel empty inside? Sex has a powerful emotional side to it that drives you to connect with the person you have sex with, if you ignore this you end up where you are now: empty and confused.
Be honest with yourself about what you want. Be honest with yourself about your feelings. Then decide either to commit to this man and have a meaningful relationship, or not. The limbo you are in now is only going to hurt either or both of you in the long run, plus reinforce the damaging behaviour patterns you have of trying to balance: (promiscuous?) casual sex on one side and a meaningful relationship on the other. That's not a good place to be for very long, you'll end up with your heart broken and a lot of repairs needed. And if you stick at it too long you'll find it comes back to haunt you later when you do find yourself in a longterm stable relationship. Which is perhaps the worst part of all.
Be true to yourself, be considerate of yourself, and look after your heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): He's doing this because obviously he hates not being with you.
You feel dead inside? This is no way to solve it.
I've sort of been there done that. I broke up with my boyfriend because of hard times - school, work, family, friends and my boyfriend i just had so many problems and I just needed to get away and told him i neede a break.
Afterwards we spoke and discovered we still liked each other and he told me if i wanted he could be there for me physically when ever i needed it.
This made things much worse. So my advice is stop sleeping around it makes things worse and your boy is unhappy because he misses the way things were so you need to decide are things going to keep going the way they already are, are they going to stop completely or are you and he going to egt back toegther? and once you have decided...
...go talk to him!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): How can you be broken up and "exclusive" when you have been having sex with other guys? For that matter, if you broke up, why are you still having sex with your previous bf?
No wonder you feel empty and dead inside.
Either get back with him and decide to make a go of it - and don't have sex with anyone else.
OR: let it go COMPLETELY. Leave him to sort out his depression and job-search, and you take care of yourself; get on with your studies and college, and your job, and allow yourself time to be single with no boyfriends or sex, until you can finally decide who you are and what you want!
...............................
|
