A
female
age
36-40,
*sanniemaggie
writes:I was set up with a guy (by my dad of all people) and we hit it off immediately. Now, 8 months later we are still "together without the titles" and he always says he is not looking for anything serious. However, we have sex. I feel like we're just friends with benefits but he says I'm "his girl or someone he is seeing/dating". What am I supposed to think? I have been so confused and know that I am wasting my time in a relationship that I know will not ever go anywhere. He isn't ready since his last bad relationship over a year ago. He is my best friend and I obviously want more and have told him that. Any advice from those who have been in a similar situation would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 April 2009):
Tell him you are too close and you don't want to go back to how it was.
If he's not willing to give you more then you should call it quits.
From the sounds of it, he doesn't want a girlfriend, just someone to hang out with and have sex with and not have to worry about ever putting any effort in.
I really think you could do better than that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, msanniemaggie +, writes (5 April 2009):
msanniemaggie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should add that he is not seeing or spending time with anyone else, until two or three days ago we spent almost every day / all day together. I think he is giving me space because he knows how I feel and thinks I am getting too serious. He says we will go back to how it was (what I described earlier) ... but I don't think I want that. What should I tell him?
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (5 April 2009):
 You are NOT together you are having casual sex with him, as he has put it he is "seeing/dating" you, how many other girls is he "seeing/dating/not ready for a relationship with"?
I think you need to stop the sex and see if he hangs around or even notices, and when he brings up the subject (which he will in about 2 days or less) tell him you are either in a relationship and exclusive or he can go else where.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): funny im going though the same thing right now. its hard cause us girls get so attached. and guys dont as much as we do. i honsetly think you should stop having sex with him and just be friends, i know thats hard cause you like him. but its the best way. you dont wanna be with sommeone if they dont want a realtionship.
what i did was i told him how i felt and that if he doesnt want a girlfriend then im leaving cause i dont wanna waste my life with someone that doesnt want you like that. we are still best friends and it did hurt in the beggining to see him.
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A
female
reader, mcewan +, writes (5 April 2009):
I have been in a similar possition.You have to put your foot down.Tell him you will no longer have sex with him, tht you want to reserve that for someone wh you are going out with and love.Set clear bondaries,he has to dcide what roll (friend or girlfriend) he wishes you to be.But you need to stand firm, and dont let him sway you, the way it is going is more like friends with benifits and if you let that go on nothing will change he will be able to have his cake and eat it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 April 2009):
Yep and as long as you keep having sex with him then you will NEVER get him to be a proper boyfriend.
The longer you let this go on for the less and less respect he will have for you.
If you want a boyfriend then stop having sex with this guy.
Tell him you want commitment and if he is not going to give it to you then you have to go elsewhere.
When faced with losing you, if he cared then he will make some effort and commit. If he was never that bothered then he'll wish you well and you'll be free to find a guy who wants what you want.
Good Luck!! xx
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