A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey AllIve been with my partner for 4 years now, its been a LDR and tough because neither of us were willing to give up good jobs in todays jobs market.I finally managed to get a contract change (different hours), allowing us both to move to an area that allows her an easy journey to work and me an ok journey.However when i called her to break the news, she was less than ecstatic! And said her feelings had faded, that she wasnt sure she was in love with me anymore, that she wasnt sure there was enough love left for it to work etc (the usual lines).I said we should meet and talk face to face, she asked to sleep on it as she wasnt even sure she wanted to see me and talk.So i let her sleep on it, but as i was upset i said id do the full commute (3.5 hours each way) from hers so she has no risk of losing her place if it doesnt work.So- we met and talked, she instantly changed her mind, started telling me that she made a big mistake and wants to do this etc.Things have been good the following weeks too.So why am i shedding doubt right now? and half expecting this to happen again?. We have argued before and 'split' for a few hours before now (we always made up the same night):- but this feels different as it wasnt a fight and she felt the same after sleeping on it.We are supposed to be moving in together in a couple of weeks time, but i dont know if im setting myself up for a big fall.Would you take back and move in with someone who basically dumped you then changed her mind 3 days later?How can her feelings change so suddenly?Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback all.
We have had 3 weekends since, and shes obviously made a big effort and we have been closer than we have for years.
I dont know why i feel differently now?.
But i do- i have one more weekend together before i have to move, so will make a decision one way or another then.
Thanks again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Panic, i agree. It also happens to women, though popular belief shows us that men are more prone to have phobia of committment. But I think she may have just gotten cold feet and afer sleeping on it realised that she indeed wanted to take that step with you.
However, I think you she probably wasn't ready at first to change the status of your relationship. You were in a LDR for such a long time that she probably got comfortable in it. Living together would mean adjusting to new situations. And she was probably afraid that her feelings wouldn't be the same were you to spend a lot of time together.
This is juat my two cents.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): Maybe she panicked at the thought of the change in dynamic - LDR to being in the same location 24/7. It will make a difference, it may work and it may not. You just have to go for it. See if it works. I would not hesitate. You need to know if this relationship is going to go the distance so there is no other way. Sometimes you just have to leap and just see where it takes you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 sounds to me like she got cold feet and then realized it was a mistake...
have you asked her why she panicked like she did?
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