A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I confronted my boy yesterday on some major issues. Surprisingly, heagreed to go to a couples counselor/therapist with me soon. However, one of my married friends said that spelled disaster for her, because anything at all half-way critical she said, her husband remembered and blasted her about later! I don't want that to happen.I'm scared to death of this meeting. Our problems are: a. My desire to rekindle our love sexually. His reluctance because to do so would mean,at this point, he wants to marry me. b. His inability to go from A to B. He doesn't want to be committed because he says he likes exploring new women. BUT he doesn't want to lose me either. He is in his fifties and shows signs of wanting to settle down and "be a family." It's something some men solve in their twenties, the tradeoff between sexual freedom and really loving one person through sexual hot periods and more cool periods. He said it would feel like prison! c. he said he originally wanted to marry me. I asked him what's wrong now, and he thinks I've gotten too hyper - but that was because of (b.) d. All his friends think we're a great couple and he says he adores and loves me! Maybe i make it too easy for him, because I am deeply in love with him and wildly passionate about him!Please, would love both male and female advice! How should Ihandle our therapy session? It feels like a landmine!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer! Still haven't gone yet! Keeping my fingerscrossed and hoping for the answer that is for the highest good for all.Question Writer
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): You are very clear on the situation you are in which is great - many people are not. My own experience of counselling was precisely as your friend described - I got everything I said during the session chucked back in my face in between times. I went to two sessions and gave up it was too humiliating. However it can work for some couples where both parties are prepared to build on what is discussed and not use it like a weapon or a competition. In my case it simply highlighted precisely the problems that were endemic in my relationship - that clearly were never going to work. What I'm saying is that perhaps if you try this approach and watch carefully as things unfold it may show you one way or the other a pathway. Your partner sounds confused and possibly selfish and all I would say to you is.... go to the session, set your own goals but also set a timescale on solving this problem or not. If it doesn't work you have tried and I would let it go and leave him. You are not there to be used and if this man is not fulfilling your emotional or physical needs then what would you really miss? Apart from the familiarity of it all.
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