A
female
age
51-59,
*erryA
writes:I have had a wonderful relationship with a man for nearly 3 years. We are best friends as well as having so much passion and chemistry. We miss each other terribly if we ever have to be apart. I love him with all my heart and soul and want to spend my life with him. We are fantastic together.But he has issues. He had split from his wife when i first met him but ever since she has texted, called, emailed him and sent cards and letters. They never divorced and he met up with her to talk. They decided to give it another go because he felt bad for never really trying to resolve their problems. It didnt work and he came back to me. But then he still felt the guilt and went back again. He has done this about 5 times now. He keeps coming back to me as he says he loves me so much and we are a great couple and he prefers my company and its just right and works with me. We are a great match and have so much fun. But he has been married before his present wife and the guilt of hurting her remains with him too. 3 weeks ago i came home from work to a note saying he was so sorry but he just had to go back and see once and for all if his marriage is really not working and is going to try to focus on her and not us. Then if it still doesnt work he wil have at least tried properly and there will be no what ifs anymore...It is different this time...he said he will not contact me unless its completely over between them...then at least it will be fair to her and to me and he wont have that question mark over his head anymore. I am devastated. What do i do? He is all i think about. I was so happy and now i have to cope knowing they are together (although he says it will not be the lovely picture i have built up in my head of them)when i could be having a wonderful life with him.....but i am left on my own. I am a strong, intelligent,attractive woman but i have never ever felt like this and so sure that we should be together.
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best friend, divorce, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Don't throw away your youth on this guy. I wasted my life between the ages of 30 and 42 on a guy like this. He'll use you up and never think twice about it. You're not even a person to him. In his mind, you are just an extension of him and he'll cut you off like a cancerous growth when he grows tired of the game. Please don't do this to yourself.
A
female
reader, KerryA +, writes (22 October 2007):
KerryA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe hasnt got any children and when i first got involved with him his wife had left and moved abroad so it was actually over between them.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 Don't bet the farm that when you see him next he'll be ready to make a committment to you. Don't sucker for the lines he'll have either. This is a no win situation. Find someone who can love you and your child and be a role model for him/her. This guy is a wishy washy cheater.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): "He says. He says He says." You going to let him talk you into a lonely corner all by yourself in the end because "he says'? Love is active. His actions are not loving to you. He is using you.
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A
female
reader, KerryA +, writes (22 October 2007):
KerryA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is....isnt he just trying to do the right thing? He said he will see this marriage through to a conclusion...whether it is over or not ...and then at least he will have sorted out the issue that is hanging over him. Then if it is over...he said he will finaly be free to commit fully to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): If the guy decides to finally leave his wife for good, he will not take up with you. You are part of the relationship with her whether you like it or not, and when and if he decides it is finished with her, he will be finshed with you also. He will move on to some other women for a fresh start. He is using you.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (22 October 2007):
 5 Times he has left and come back! Seriously huni if he comes back again without divorce papers move on and get on with your own life which you have put on hold because he may or may not leave his wife but your willing to wait. To be honest i think he is using you and his wife he gets bored of her he comes to you, he gets bored of you goes back to his wife, after trying and failing to fix his marriage 5 times he should have got the message that it isnt going to work, if he leaves his wife and gets a divorced then i hope your happy if he comes back with no divorce papers or any other paper work saying his marriage is over tell him your just so fed up of being used and hurt, dont keep putting yourself through this hurt no man is worth waiting for if it might not happen.
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A
female
reader, KerryA +, writes (22 October 2007):
KerryA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat i would like to know from others is....do you think he will leave her once and for all? Has it happened to anyone else. Every time he has tried with her before it has never worked. He says she is just not me.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 October 2007):
You can wait around hoping his marriage will finally fall apart or you can get on with your own life. If he eventually does decide to divorce his wife, I'd think long and hard about a relationship with this guy, he sure doesn't sound like he has much of a backbone to me.
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