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male
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anonymous
writes: Ive been with my g/f now for 6 months,the start of it was perfect i thought nothing could go wrong.4 months in the relationship it started to go wrong for some reason,i dont have an idea where things have gone wrong.she isn`t:spending as much time together,calling/txting each other has grinded to a halt,im lucky to see her twice a week and spend an hour with her,when were out together she wont show affection for me where as she used to do.she doesnt want to see me for 4-5 days and i didn`t say a word because i dont want to make a fuss,and then i couldn`t see her for 4 days because of family issues i had to sort out.now she dont want to see me or speak to me because she thinks im not bothered whether i see her or not?i texted her explaining that what she said to me had hurt me,and at the mo i feel aloft in our relationship and dont let us drift apart-maybe that is what she wants?she hasn`t been in touch with me for 3 days and im getting worried something is up or she is loosing interest in me?how can i solve this problem?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): I am going through much the same thing with my boyfriend. I am going to tell you from a girl point of view why she may be doing the things she is . Have one or both of you been badly hurt in a previous relationship? This could mean she doesn't want to fall too deeply for you for fear of being hurt again so she is trying to distant you. My boyfriend is doing this to me right now and it feels like he is rejecting me so I am distancing him. I don't want to do this, but I am trying to protect my feelings too. There is every danger we could drift apart if this issue isn't addressed. My guy doesn't spend much time with me, and he pushes me away when I try to kiss him. Thankfully, he has explained why, but it is still difficult to cope with the rejection.
Ironically, his ex girlfriend acted the same as your gf (saying she couldn't see him for 2 weeks, etc) but I think she was doing it to give my bf a taste of his own medicine so is there are chance you could be taking her forgranted without even realising it? Are you possibly not as attentive to her as you were at first? Believe me if you take a real interest in her and be attentive, it will reap dividends. I know it takes real effort for this continue when you are settled in one another's company but I believe it must for a relationship last. My bf is nowhere near as attentive as he was in the beginning and is starting to take me forgranted. Again, I am distancing myself from him as a result. I am like you I don't like to create a fuss but my bf is treading on really thin ice. The only solution I can come up with is that you speak to her voicing your opinions and concerns and see what she says, but don't go over the top. Just send her a text or phone and ask her what is wrong and say you are missing her, then let her respond to you. If she doesn't you have your answer, if she does then you have something to work on.
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