A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 and my husband's 26. I've got a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship.I'm in a job which I enjoy, I've only been doing it for 5 weeks now. My husband's in a well-paid job too, which pays him a very good wage. He's been doing it for 2 years now.Last night he came in from work and told me that he wants to quit his current job (which he is well-liked in and gets well-paid) and said he wants to move to Los Angeles and "make it big over there".He, however, insisted, that it was good for us.I asked him why and he just kept insisting it was good for us.I'm horrified by this, our daughter's only just started in primary school, where she's making friends and doing well, and I've only been in my job for 5 weeks now.How do I deal with this?? My husband keeps on trying to insist that we move to Los Angeles as soon as we can.I feel stressed and worried by this suggestion, and have no idea why he is doing this - I asked him, but it just gets me nowhere as he won't say why.Joanne Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (21 November 2008):
 I can tell you this because I grew up in Los Angeles and it takes years and years and years to "make it big" in L.A. You need to "know people" the right people in order to get anywhere. I can't tell you how many people I knew who were there for the same reason and not one of them made it anywhere.
L.A. is very a expensive to live!! It is huge and not that easy to meet people. The competition is fierce. What I wouldn't tell him is how many beautiful women are there who will no doubt want to have an affair with him, especially if he has an accent. It will in no time ruin your marriage.
Unless he already got a part in a movie or was offered a job that is so amazing that he would be foolish to not accept, to go there without knowing anyone or having any major connections is going to ruin the marriage as he will be devoting every minute to his dream. He will have to go to parties to meet who he needs.
This is very naive on his part. Sounds more like he has a need to "be somebody" maybe even narcissistic?
If he insists on following a dream that millions of others have desired without anything to show for it, let him go alone and you then find a more stable man.
You might tell him what I've told you. That was my hometown and I am not overstating what I told you. I hated L.A. becasue of all the phony people, the egos, the high cost of living, how far everything is just to get errands done, and it is very crowded and you will be stuck in traffic all the time night and day.
I hear there is a very good theater community in Scotland, why not try there first?
A
female
reader, JoanneHSandwell +, writes (21 November 2008):
 I decided to get an account rather than post not logged-in.
The only info I got out of him was that he wanted to be "big in Hollywood", like they do on Desperate Housewives, Heroes etc. and nothing more.
He said it's easy to get famous these days.
Joanne
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 November 2008):
My parents talked about moving to America when I was small. In the end the company they were going to work for went bust so they had a lucky escape.
America is not exactly swimming with money and opportunity at the moment.
You have to make him give you details. What is the job he's been offered, how big a pay rise would it actually be given the rising cost of living over there and the spiralling value of the dollar.
What about schools?
What about your job? Would you be even able to get a visa to work over there?
What about your families? How often would you see them?
There are far far too many BIG questions that need answering for him to refuse to say.
Tell him that unless he is prepared to talk about it and back it up with reason and facts, then you won't even consider it.
This has to be a joint decision that both of you agree on.
Wait until he brings it up and then give him a list of questions, starting with WHY and tell him once he's given good answers to all of them then you'll think about it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): I'm sorry you are going through this, but let me tell you from the voice of experience, don't do it. Do whatever you have to do to convince him that moving is a big mistake. My husband transferred from one state to another and lost his job two months later.If you are happy where you are, you need to let him know that in no uncertain terms. Let him know that with a child, you can't just pick up and head off into the unknown. Just my opinion, but if I were you, I'd do whatever it takes to keep him right where you are.
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