A
female
age
30-35,
*hloe0000
writes:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 1 and a half years. Before we hooked up, he was a total playboy -- flirting with girls, encouraging them on to flirt with him, a new girl every week...and so on. Then after we got committed, he kinda settled down. His friends kept teasing me for hooking up with someone who would very likely cheat on me before even a week was over. But I was totally in love with him, and couldn't even think of him doing anything like that with me, even though I knew his reputation. I just chose to hope for the best. Shortly before we got committed, he broke it off with his previous girlfriend. I knew it was all over, but then 2 months later I found out that they still exchanged 'I love you's, and he still talked to her like she was his girlfriend. Gradually this died down, though (partly because of me, I didn't allow them to talk much) and I thought that was the end of it. A day back I was checking his email, and just decided to read his previous messages (never done that before). And to my greatest shock, I found some messages of his to another girl, calling her 'beautiful', 'cute', and all such other words; and the date was 2 months after we got committed. I confronted him about this, and instead of being sorry or something, he started shouting at me for bringing up things from his past. He said he knew he was different before, but he had changed for me, and could I not see the difference now? He yelled at me for being unable to forget the past, and how annoyed this made him. I...was left dumbstruck.What should I do now? Should I break up with him? I mean, whatever he did earlier, he sure isn't doing any of that now, and loves me very much. But then the way he behaved when I brought that up...what was that? I love him very much, and my life would pretty much end without him. Please help!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 May 2012):
 You sound (and I don't mean to be rude) very insecure, lacking trust and a bit controlling..
You didn't allow him to talk with his EX? That statement really baffled me.
He can't talk to exes but it's perfectly fine for you to invade his privacy and read his OLD e-mails? Or did he give you access to his e-mail?
I'm sorry you think that you will have no life without him, because you would certainly have a life without him. It would just be different from the one you have now. It's called a new beginning.
And I think you were a bit naive and unrealistic in thinking that you could "fix" him overnight. He is who he is and unless HE is willing to change, it's not going to happen. It seems like he DID change, he DID put the flirting on the shelve, just NOT instantly and overnight, but he still DID it FOR YOU. And you... keep looking for thing to drag up and show him that you don't trust him.
Think about it. Talk to him. And stop snooping, it will in the end hurt YOU far more then anyone else.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 Your life would not end without him, yes you love him, but am sure you can still survive without him. Okay so getting on to the issue, my guess is he acted this way because it was his past and he did not want it brought up, maybe he feels bad about it. Also a sign off being defensive could mean he is still a player, are you sure he is not emailing girls still? If not well then that's good.
At the end of the day he is right it is in the past. If it was over a year ago that he was doing this, it makes me wonder why you where looking at messages that where so old, and why you where snooping in to his private mail in the first place? Do you not trust him? If there is doubt in your mind and you do not trust him then it is best to end things as it will never work if you do not trust him. However if you do and you believe he is not like this any more and that he has settled down, well then it is best to leave the past where it belongs and forget about it if you can.
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