A
female
age
36-40,
*ostone
writes:Hello all, I have some problems that are really wearing on me concerning my ex boyfriend. I'd like some input on what his feelings might be because I'm completely lost.We've been broken up for three months since he cheated on me and broke it off, which should have made him happy if that's what he wanted, but he seemed angry at me for it. At the time we were living together and he put every effort into trying to make me take all the blame and when I would cry he'd want to talk it through, but he just ended up rattling off a list of why he didn't love me anymore, though he assured me he still cared for me alot. The girl he'd left me for (someone online states away who he'd visited) supposedly loved him back but broke up with him after just a month and then didn't even want to talk to him anymore. He was then suffering the kind of depression that I had just gotten over, so I tried to be a good friend and be there for him despite what he'd done to me. For a while he was calling me a few times a week sometimes late at night crying and I would try to comfort him and listen. He even asked me to stay over one night because he didn't want to be alone and I let myself feel hopeful again as he cuddled with me and we talked, then later that night wanted to be physical with me again but I stopped him. When he'd call he'd ask me when I was going to be in town again, ask me to visit him at work, say he missed me, making every effort to try and spend time with me while I tried to be aloof.He asked me to stay over once more so I did, then made a very stupid mistake and let him do what he wanted to do which was have sex. I thought that I'd feel closer to him but instead felt sick and hollow because it wasn't done with love like it used to be. That was in the morning and it got me emotionally upset. I left crying with him asking me once what was wrong and then rolling over to go back to sleep. On the drive back I wasn't even sure I would make it as it was hard to breathe.It's been two weeks now and I haven't heard a word from him. Yesterday would have been our 4th anniversary if we were together, and while I wouldn't expect him to want to celebrate it or anything, I thought if nothing else he might spare a thought for me and call me. That didn't happen. Now all the old wounds have reopened and I feel just as bad as ever, and I know I laid that trap for myself by giving myself over to hope from his affections. But I want to know why do you think he is suddenly so silent? Given how bad he was feeling and how much he was leaning on me, and then how upset he knew I was when we parted last... is it even possible for him to not have any compassion after all I've done for him and to not think of me at all? Is it just that I've been made a complete fool of and he just wanted sex from a warm and willing person? (as long as I've known him, this kind of cunning and manipulative behavior does not fit)Sorry for the length of the question. I just want to know if there is any chance that his previous behavior and silence could mean anything at all besides that he played me for an idiot. And I know eventually I will end up seeing or hearing from again so given the possibilities of what these things could mean, what should I do when that happens? I know he has acted selfishly and made mistakes, but that hasn't stopped me from loving him. I feel broken and unfixable like I will never love anyone else again, so I have to fix this or else doom myself to loneliness. Please, what does this all mean and what should I do?
View related questions:
anniversary, at work, broke up, cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nolanative89 +, writes (21 November 2008):
I would suggest that first of all you engage in activities to get your mind off of him. Sometimes being in love hurts more than being out of it. When you see him in the future do NOT just let him back in your life! It seems to me that when you are convenient for him [when he's hurting], he wants you around. That's not fair to you at all. I know you may feel the desire to comfort him but the bottom line is that YOU and YOUR feelings comes FIRST. Things will get better with time. Stay strong!
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (21 November 2008):
 Most boys at 18 are very very immature and are not ready for a real love relationship. Men need many years to grow up. Girls desire love, we are wired with that at birth. By the time you are 25 you will probably have no memory of him at all. Just keep looking to the future and get rid of any boy who treats you in an abusive way. When you put up with it and keep going back, you are teaching him bad habits, teaching him that women accept abuse and teaching him how NOT to treat women.
...............................
|
