A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Gosh. I'm feeling so down right now, and I really need help.Okay, there was this girl who I met on a forum. We only knew each other vaugely, but then I couldn't go on the forum for a few weeks (coursework at school) so I asked a load of people on there (including her) for their mobile numbers. We started texting loads, and became really good friends. Then she told me she loved me. And I loved her back.My whole life started to revolve around her. My grades in school were slipping because I'd spend lessons daydreaming about meeting her instead of concentrating on what the teacher was saying. I didn't care, because she was worth it.We had a few fights. Most of them we made up. But one night she texted me saying she didn't love me. I was up so late that night, crying, and cryed so much for the next few days at school. As a result I ended up telling all my friends about this girl, and someone must have overheard, because the next day it was all over school that I was gay, even though I'm not sure if I am. Two days after she said that I had my Biology GCSE, and I've terrified I messed it up because I was so upset.Eventually we made up this fight, and we were saying "ily" all the time again. A few weeks later the same thing happened, and again I came into school crying. A few of my teachers became really concerned about me. Ironically enough, I only managed to get through because I was texting this girl, even though she didn't love me any more.It's been like this for the past two or three months. Twice she tryedto stop speaking to me, because she said speaking to me just upset her, but both times she only lasted a few days. I'm still completely in love with her. My life still tends to revolve around her. Each time I think of how she always thought I would get over her and she would be left behind I come close to tears.About a week ago she told me she thought everything that happened between us was just a big mistake. This cut me really deeply, because this was my first ever serious relationship. I can't move on. I've tried to be angry at her, feel like it's her fault, but I can't feel any emotion except unhappiness.She's always said she was confused about whether she liked girls, boys or both. And from the way she was so ho and cold with me, I'm wondering if I was her experiment, who she tossed aside when she got bored?These are my two questions really:a) Was I just her experiment?b) How do I get over her/get her back?Sorry for it being so long, and thanks for reading!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, again.
Well it's been over 4 months now. I'm back at school, and none of my friends can understand why I'm still texting her, putting myself through this. I just can't stop myself hoping that one day she might love me again. It's like I'm addicted to her.
And to make thing even more difficult, she's started flirting with me. I don't know if it's deliberate, and I'm scared she does like me again but thinks I don't like her anymore. But I don't want to stick my neck out and get hurt even more.
So thanks for all of your adice, but I'm obviously a pathetic person with no self-control or self-respect. =/
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): First of all, i am so sorry to hear this. It's never nice to be dropped like that suddenly. My advise i would give you is:If she's messing you around like this, then im really sorry but she just doesn't seem to care about how you feel and is giving mixed signals knowingly. She doesn't deserve you other wise she would respect your feelings. It's hard i know, believe me getting over somone you're still in love with. But she will crush your soul if you carry on like this. I really honestly think that you should try to find someone who respects you. Sorry. Good luck. It will get better.Leah.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's fine, don't worry about. And thank you for your reply.
It's been about 3 months now since she said she didn't love me any more, and I still feel exactly the same. She herself is going through some hard times, so I'm doing my best to help her. Whenever we text, she won't even put an "x" at the end unless we're saying goodnight, so I guess she's trying to make me fall out of love with her or something. But it's not working =/
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male
reader, Aunty Tommy +, writes (19 August 2009):
 I am sorry about the boy bit in my first response, my concentration was mainly on your problem, which is no excuse. but u can easily substitute the gender.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Anonymous
She's said she doesn't want to talk about what happened between us anymore, as it just upsets her, so I don't want to bring it up again. But she said that she isn't in love with me anymore and doesn't intend on falling in love with me. She knows I still love her.
@Aunty Tommy
I'm pretty sure she is real, we've talked multiple times on video call.
And by the way, I'm a girl lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): Do you know anything about the girl ? I am sure she has some feelings for you. Ask her why didn't she love you back ? How do you know she didn't love you or want you ? If you want her tell her so and see what her response is. I don't think you are her experiment, why did she do that to you and what's her purpose ? You can get over her by not getting involved with her anymore. To get her back, did she leave you at one point ? If she never left, you still have her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Time to get a real life baby, not some virtual playmate . Really, forget dating sites/ forums/ Facebook etc etc. You are living in the real world, why not accept what it has to offer, instead of all this virtual crap? You are making yourself mentally and physically ill over someone you haven't even met. How can that be worth it? Meet some real people baby, learn what reality has to offer.Try it!
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male
reader, Aunty Tommy +, writes (8 August 2009):
I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune with this girl, its never easy to realise the hurt and upset an internet "forum" conversation can be.She made you feel like you were to special to her. Unfortunately the internet is only an only messaging service, who knows who is writing the messages.Its worrying for me that she seemed to use and abuse your sensitive and kind nature in a way that it would affect you personal life. The fact that she used this against you was callous and with no thought for your feelings or your academic life.My advice to you is to concentrate on getting your life back together, try and put yourself into your education and think about joining local social groups like football teams or after school clubs, try to make friends and potential girlfriends with people you can see and talk face to face to.The first few weeks are going to be the toughest for you trying to forget about this cyber-relationship but believe me when i say it will ease and you will be able to move on with your life.You sound like a very nice guy who has just had a bad experience in the world of love and emootion, it wont be easy it never is, but you will learn how to deal with this and how to move on.I hope i have helped and would love to hear how you are getting on. Take care and keep smiling
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