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female
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anonymous
writes:I am wondering my ex bf was trying to use me for sex when we were together. I really feel like I need to know whether or not he was with me just for sex (although I never gave into the pressure) or was there something more to it?He put alot of pressure on me for sex from the 2nd date onwards. It started off as playful pressure and joking around, I kept saying no and explaining my reasons that I wanted to wait longer so trust could develop and so love could grow. He however acted like he didnt hear because he would keep on asking and even physically put pressure on me as it got worst as the time went on. He broke up with me, saying he no longer wanted to have a gf, he wanted to be single. When he broke up with me, I think it just reinforced my gut feelign that he was just with me for sex. So I confronted him about this. He said noway!!!! I question him on several things such as his pressuring behaviour and he couldnt really justify any of it, and he dindt try to, he just kept repeating the same line "i never tried using you for sex and i didnt break up with you because you didnt want sex, i just dont want a gf ok!"A friend of his spoke to me a few days later and said that my ex bf felt really bad that I could accuse him of such a thing. His friend said I was so wrong suggesting that my ex would ever do anything like that. The friend said my ex was the most decent and strictly relgious guy he knows and he would never ever use a girl! The friend said that my ex doesnt believe in casual sex so he certainly did not break up with me to sleep around with random girls. YET this is weird he would say this because when me and my ex started dating, the friend told me that my ex used to try and get random girls into bed that he would meet out at clubbing. I questioned the friend on that and he denied ever saying such horrible things about his best friend. The friend said the "real" reason my ex broke up with me was because my ex wanted to go clubbing and partying and since he was going out with me he coudlnt because I didnt want to. This is a lie though. On several occasions I would ask my ex bf if he wanted to go clubbing or to a party and he would always say no! I basically had to beg him to go. I am just so confused about the whole situation!!!!!!Finally, my last question is if he was only trying to use me for sex, why would he do this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): Unless you have a history of being insecure and seeing things that arn't there then I would listen to your gut feeling. You know his friend is wrong about him, because clearly he isn't strictly religious, nor is he "decent" because a decent guy wouldn't keep making comments about having sex, especially only after the second date!
You should stick with your guy feeling, it sounds like you were right. Sometimes it is helpful to get a friends opinion on things, but in other situations sometimes they may have the wrong opinion themselves and can make things worse.
Why would a guy use you for sex; people want different things in relationships - they have different priorities. This guy probably has sex higher on his list. Sadly this desire to have sex is causing him to not respect you in the way he should. It sounds like he has been thinking with his dick, rather than his head, common mistake for a lot of men.
No wonder you are confused, sounds like you made the right decision though. Try not to take it personally, he wants a girl to have sex with, and you want to build on a relatinship with trust before getting that intimate with someone. Nothing wrong with either of your outlooks, but there was something wrong in the way he went about trying to get what he wanted. Sounds like you will be a lot less confused if you can get some emotional distance from this guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I had a boyfriend who did the samething and we barely started going out.Bou I said no too.The only reason I could say as to why he would do this isbecause he just wanted your body and never cared about youthe same way you did for him.Oh and that friend is coveringup for your ex.He knows what he said and he's just trying to get you to forget it.Your ex propably didn't wanna go all those times because he knew he would be tempted to messaround.Or something else.But your ex never really cared about you,so move on.[Moderator note: I removed the first sentence of your reply. You can't say that!!! Even though I know exactly how you feel...]
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