A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HelloI am writting this on dear cupid lookingf for people who have been in the same situation as me. I am writting a book on my experience but feel I should also do alot more research on the subject before diving in even though I have 7000 words already.I AM NOT ASKING FOR ADVICE ON ANY SUBJECT I SPEAK ABOUT: I AM STRONG WOMEN WHO HAS CHANGED HER LIFE.When I was 19 I had an affair with a married man who I meet over the radio. He was a radio DJ based in London - Uk and I from another part of the UK. I got my heart broken and lost my virginity as well as my sanity and all my friends for this man. Alot of men who cheat are scum and dont deserve happiness. But on my occassion. He loved me and sometimes you just happen to love more than one person. It happens. I want to hear from people who has been in the same situation. Who maybe had an affair with a married man or women and who loved them but lost out in the end and the only person they hurt was themselves because, they couldnt leave there wife/husband.People who knew the person they were with generally loved them and their wife/husband as well.People who didnt realise what they got into before it was too late.People who maybe got to be with the person they were having the affair with.People who found out their partner cheated several times and you were just the one. That they just wanted sex and was a horrable person.WHy you think they done this and what was the outcome.I know this is a really personnal experiences I am asking for people to tell me about. I know because, I have been through it all myself. Where It took me 2 years to get over it and after several counselling I got there in tne end. I want to make something of my life and i want to be a writter but all i have this is experience and I intend to write about where I have come to a place where I feel strong enough to go into detail about what happened to me all those years ago.Thankyou for reading this.xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your honesty in telling me what happened in your life. I believe you are stronger than anyone else out there by coming clean. The worst part for me was knowing there is another women out there living a lie. And a gurl she doesn't know exists has had there whole life affected by her husband. I would never regrect it because, I loved him more than anyone in the world and sometimes its ok to be selfish and allow yourself that feeling. It would be worse if it was just about sex or you didn't care about your husband/wife. Sometimes you fall in love with 2 people. Sometimes like me your the person who is left alone but I am happy I meet him. And thankyou for your response again. X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): I had an affair with a married man and it absolutely destroyed everyone involved.
We worked together and had know each other for several years. There was always attraction there to the point that I started to avoid going to events and meetings where I knew he would be - not because I thought for 2 seconds anything would happen, just because I really, really liked him and it was not appropriate.
Neither of us had ever been unfaithful previously or even considered the possibility of being unfaithful. Our marriages were pretty miserable and we both felt ignored and taken for granted. Both marriages were to people we had been with for many years and had perhaps outgrown.
It was never just friends and it was never innocent. We were both fully aware of the attraction from the start - it was obvious. I guess neither of us ever thought we'd do anything about it. It's really scary how quickly things can progress but they did and after several months we slept together - by this stage we were completely in love and almost addicted to each other.
We split up because there was no future and each decided to tell our partners. Suffice to say that what we did destroyed ourselves, our partners, our children and I look back on that time as one of the most devastating time of my life.
The ongoing results were awful and I would urge anyone considering an affair to stop and think. Address the issues in your relationship before starting anything. If you are attracted to someone do not in any circumstance call, text, email or see them in any capacity other than professional should you need to. Change jobs if need be but never get involved because it just ends up in misery.
I don't know if I regret what happened. I felt love like I have never felt before and for the first time in many, many years was actually happy. Genuinely, unconditionally happy. The aftermath was just awful and the pain of splitting up (it ended up being a very prolonged split) and the pain we inflicted on everyone around us was just awful.
Good luck with your book
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): Hi, I dont know what you exactly want. So I will start by saying i cheated on my husband with a married man. I cheated because I was lacking the attention , being held, being touched, have long sex. He cheated because he said his wife didnt want to have sex all the time. I knew from the being it would be nothing more then sex. We both have families ( and i believe this is why people cheat with married couples no long term relationship just fun). But I still have to say it ended up being hard because I enjoy the attention i was getting and all of the sudden the textes started to slow down and finally the fling was over. So in the long run I was now hurt because i lost that , plus my problem was still going on at home. Plus ontop of it I started to feel guilty for what i have done betrayed my husband, plus his poor wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for both your responses, I believe this other women simply saw the next married man as a replacement. When you do something like that with a man that is married you don't think your worth more, happiness isn't for you and I was like that for a long time. I bet she did love your dad more than anyone and I believe you can love 2 people at the same time but u have to make a choose and stick too it. That's why I let my married magAnd I had to move on. Also you can do what u want when your with a married man cause your still single but I couldn't be with anyone else for a long time even after I lost him cause I loved him so much. Thanks for your replys.. X
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female
reader, rose the relationship solver +, writes (24 November 2009):
 i did it turned out terrible i was with him 3 months and found out he got back to gether with his wife and it tore me apart coz he couldnt go on and he loved me the next day i was upset i had a 1 night stand and he came round and saw empty condom wrappers and accused me of cheating and when he was already married and wanted all this to stop then he never spoke to me again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): Hi,this isnt about me but i know someone who has been cheated on and i know someone who cheated on someone else. the people im talking about are my parents.My mother and father who have been married for 22 years have recently broken up because my mother found out last christmas that he had been having an affair with a younger women.She was torn into pieces she cried almost everyday and i hated seeing her like that it was awful, she just couldnt believe that over so many years he had been lying to her, spending their money on some other woman, and she also found out that he was helping raise this other womans child from a different relationship aswell.I asked my father why he had done this and he said that he never ever wished to hurt my mother as he loved her very much he just felt that he loved this other woman aswell. they had met through work she had been the receptionist at his work place and they both flirted with each other and it started from there. They had been seeing each other for over three years and this other woman knew that my father had another family and a wife and she was willing to accept that, however after my father had told his wife (my mother) he split up with this other woman because he had expected that my mother would forgive him. Its not something you can forgive easily especially knowing they had been doing this for over three years. My father now lives further away from my mother who still misses him dearly you can tell by the way she looks everytime he is mentioned. He regrets what he had done to both women but i know that he was in the wrong i guess he was jus greedy and even though he was happy with what he had he just wanted more.The other woman has now got a new boyfriend who is also much older than her and is also married (he works in the same place as my father did they use to be friends) so you see in the end she had moved on and found someone else who also had a wife so she didnt really care that he was married so she couldnt have been that bothered and after knowing this my father felt more hurt that he had cheated on the one person who stood by him for 22 years for someone who didnt really care much for him, but for his money instead.R.K
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