A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts wonder can you shed some light on my problem please?I will be married for 2 years in July we have had our problems etc but managed to sort these and had split up twice during this two years but then got back together.My worry is, i am not sure if i really love my husband as a husband or just like a brother. I am constantly lately wondering if i would prefer to be alone and free to meet other guys that maybe the right one for me, i feel guilty having these thoughts as my husband is a good man but there is no spark and we rarely have sex. sometimes when my husband wants to hold hands with me in public i just do so to keep him happy and i dont want to and feel i am being very unfair to him, i find myself looking at other guys more and while i would not do anything i just feel this is very unfair of me. I am not sure if i still love him, but then i have days where i look at him and think i do.I have asked myself could i live without him in my life and sometimes i feel that i could and then its possible i am afraid of being alone so then say i cant,it would really hurt him if he knew i felt this way as he is dependent on me emotionally, its like sometimes i have a child rather than a husband. its like we are on different wave lengths sometimes.We are moving back to my home country and i hope things will change for us then, new start, new life together, i am just afraid these feelings will not leave me, that eventually i will just walk away...i just dont understand why i feel this way.Your advice and views would be appreciated. thanks.
View related questions:
got back together, spark, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): spend 10 minutes each day making a gratitude list...doesn't have to be a big thing, hubby made coffee for me qualifies
do this for a month and see if you feel differently towards him
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 There are a lot of possible issues in your post so I will only tackle one possible cause.
Some people suffer from "the grass is always greener on the other side". Once in a relationship they can't help but wondering "couldn't I do better".
If you combine this with the reality of actually having to life together with someone it can be lethal. Those other guys you are looking at have NOT YET come to bed with their socks on, left the toilet seat up, fallen asleep during a strip-tease.
One thing that might help is to try and remember back to when you were falling for this guy, was he back then as attractive as these other guys are to you now?
It is often hard to make the transition from falling in love to long-term couple. Sleeping over for the weekend is a bit different from sleeping together year in year out with no change of escape. Come on, haven't any of you ever dated and after some time with him/her came home and went "AH, my whole house to myself!"
Are you just having trouble adjusting to married life OR are you finding out that you just moved to fast and that after the rush of hormones of falling in love there is actually nothing there?
======
"sometimes i have a child rather than a husband"
No there is a big difference. Children grow-up.
...............................
|
