A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for six years, he has a 11 year old daughter who i feel doesnt want me around. Although she does speak to me when i am not there she moves my things , puts my shoes in piles etc. When she sees me cleaning or rearranging something in the house, she questions me whether i should be doing it or not, as daddy might not like that. At the end of the nites when I am around, she sits near him and is all over him , almost like to say dont even come near my father. I have not mentioned this to him at all,as I dont want to start issues with him and his child I would never ask for anyone to choose between the two.HIs ex wife also cant stand the thought of anyone being in his life and I have been told has his daughter convinced that daddy is evil and will go to jail if he has a girlfriend. She has told her daddy will fight with the girls and hurt them , so the poor girl is petrified that daddy is going to end up in jail.I have told him about this jail fearDo we talk to her , do i talk to her? I dont want to cause more problems
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female
reader, 747Devin +, writes (27 June 2012):
It sounds as though the mother could have Muchausen by Proxy, as she is continually trying to get the girl diagnosed.
The mother is going to ruin this little girl's life. Try to just be consistant around the girl, and maybe when she sees you around for a long time, and nothing happening to daddy, she will realize her mother is wrong. Hopefully, one day, the little girl will see you and her father as a force of stability.
I fear for this little girl being raised in this manner by her mom.
Devin
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSpunky monkey
I wasnt inpatient with anyone on here,just didnt know where my posts went as they didnt appear right away.No reason to get upset.Sorry if you thought it was against any of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am trying to reply it is not working ? I wrote a whole paragraph! No jail time, no abuse
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn reponse to the first response., No there is no violence at least with me in six years and for sure no jail time ever. His ex is a patholoical lyer and has been.
I FORGOT TO MENTION
his ex , has taken this child to doctor after doctor and tried to get her labled as , adhd, auditory processing disorder, down syndrome, etc. She herself we feel has that disease,( i forget what it is called) but she is trying to get her labled as disabled, for sympothy and also for social security monies! She has asked him and he refused, to sign off of child support and put it in a seperate account, so she can recieve social security. This poor little is girl is nothing but normal and slighlty slow because no one has read to her all her life or spent any time with her. INFACT the mother has had men leave her due to the fact she insists her child is RETARD (exact word) and the drama she causes with it. And my boyfriend knows this and when I mention , we should take her to court , he feels he cant afford it and they wont care anyways.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): Not much you can do.When a woman becomes involved with the with the father of a minor child, it's always a package deal including not only the kid but baby mama as well. Unfortunately in this case boyfriend's ex and baby mama is a psycho b-word intent on poisoning an innocent kid's mind against you in order to make boyfriend's life miserable.The child isn't the problem, her mother is, and baby mama's not going away. Since you and bf are not married, you are not legally related to his daughter and therefore you have no parental authority over her, implied or otherwise. The kid is under no obligation to get along with you under the best of circumstances as you're her father's acquaintance, not hers, and that you happen to be shacking up with him means nothing to her, nor should it. You have to face to cold harsh reality that your continued presence in a troubled, unhappy, miserable child's life is only making an eleven-year-old's day-to-day existence even more troubled, unhappy and miserable, through no fault of hers, and the only thing you can do to alleviate the kid's suffering is give in to her sociopath mother's wishes and leave your boyfriend. Wish I could tell you otherwise, but if you prolong this relationship you can't win and a poor misguided kid can only suffer more, at least until mother dies, goes to jail or is committed to a mental institution.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): He should talk to her. She's his daughter and his responsibility.
Your job is merely to try and make peace with the kid, but never to bow down or surrender in order to achieve it. After all, adults do not negotiate with children. Children are told and children do.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): I think you are in a very difficult situation here. The child's mother has obviously instiled in her that bad things will happen if Daddy is with another woman because she does not want her ex partner being with anybody else. I think this kind of thing happens quite a lot when there has been an acrimonious break up. The child is playing the role of protector of Daddy so won't let anyone near him. I would just carry on as you are and say nothing as anything you say will be fed back to Mummy and will used as a reason why Daddy can't see so much of his daughter or some other response. I am in a similar situation with a 9 year old boy - if the mother finds I am at the house she will call my partner and instruct him to return the child immediately. My partners ex is very bitter about the break up. I really don't think it is wise to say anything as I think it may be misinterpreted and used against you or your husband. For now I would just go with the flow and not bring up the closeness issue but I would say to the girl not to to move your clothes or shoes as that is not very nice and she wouldn't like her things being messed up in her bedroom.I think 11 is probably still a bit young to be able to talk to her properly.
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