A
male
age
30-35,
*xtra-Ordinary
writes:This is one for the books. I've known this girl since Kindergarten. She was literally the first person I noticed when I walked into the classroom the first day. It was pretty much love at first site. I've had a crush on her ever since and she's known about it since we were in the 3rd grade and she told me she just likes me as a friend. Everything started to cool down after that but I still held on to that crush. In the 8th grade, since I was at a different school for the first time, I kinda forced myself to give up the crush. But after a failed attempt to ask her out in the 9th grade (she was nice about it, still friends) I couldn't help but think about her for the rest of the night. I had come to terms with it and decided I was in love with her. Over the next year, my feelings were shifting back and forth and until my cousin had a talk with me (he and my mom are aware of my crush) and I started feeling less emotional to the point where this girl was just a beautiful and important friend. I departed to 5 months to reside with my father, and after my return, I learned that another girl I started to have a crush on moved away so I felt a bit crappy. But the girl I've known forever was just a memory until Valentine's Day and her birthday and I started thinking about her again.My dreams about her occurred more frequently. Seeing a girl that even remotely reminds me of her makes my heart try to jump out of my chest. I don't feel like I have to be in a relationship with her, but I'd feel like the happiest guy ever if I could be. The most I need is to be her best friend. All that I need to be truly happy is her in my life, someone that I can always call on because I'll know she'll be there, because I will. I believe my infatuation with her may be that she represents everything positive in this world I could love. But I want other opinions and answers because I still don't know how to approach her with this. I just want as much advice that can be spared.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): My opinion is that you do probably love this girl...and I would venture to say that that love comes from the fact that you know her so well and SO long. I don't know many people from my childhood so I've never been in an analogous situation In comparison to other girls you meet in school who you don't know so well, I can imagine the relationship with you share with her is incomparable.
But, I think you also need to recognize that you are not just in love with her, but you are worshipping her, and that sets you up for grandiose expecations and hard falls. This paragraph you wrote, while incredibly romantic, bothered me:
"All that I need to be truly happy is her in my life, someone that I can always call on because I'll know she'll be there, because I will. I believe my infatuation with her may be that she represents everything positive in this world I could love"
OP, she may be the object of your infatuation, but you have also made her into the grail. No woman is the grail. People fall out of love. No one person makes another human being "truly happy." And no one person represents all that is "positive" in the world. And most importantly, no one person would WANT to be responsible for your happiness...it's a heavy burden.
You are in love, but your infatuation has made you put her on a pedstal, see her in a light that is completely unrealistically, and caused you to have impossible expectations of her. I don't want to tell you "you're young," but I do want to tell you at your age, people should be exploring other people and considering their futures. That's likely what she is doing. It wouldn't hurt you try it to do the same. If you keep looking backwards and give your infatuation mythological proportions, you risk turning her off completely, destroying your friendship with her, and most importantly, you distract yourself from exploring other people. If she's such a good friend, you will have a future of some sort with her...she just may not be at the age and you might not be at the age where you neccessarily are good for each other. I would try to focus your imagination on YOUR future rather than hers.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Extra-Ordinary +, writes (18 April 2011):
Extra-Ordinary is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have provided this information earlier:
She is my friend. We actually talk to each other. WE'VE known each other since Kindergarten. She doesn't know I still have feelings for her. I haven't known her to be single since we were in the 6th grade. I probably won't see the answers to this question that I want due to vague information, so please read the whole situation thoroughly.
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A
male
reader, Extra-Ordinary +, writes (18 April 2011):
Extra-Ordinary is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI DO know her. She's my actual friend. We talk and hang out sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): To be honest, you don't even know what she's actually like, I bet if you actually knew her , you wouldn't be so excited. Plus, to put it bluntly for you, she rejected your advances so doesn't like you. So stop with your INFATUATION.
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