A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, how to start... I've fallen in love with this one guy (we'll refer to him as Joe). Now, Joe (to me) is perfect. He's an amazing musician, he's funny, and he's extremely intelligent. I'm one of those people who is quiet, shy, overweight and kinda is forgotten about in crowds. I'm really good friends with Joe, and we hang out a lot, but I've been getting a lot of mixed signals. Sometimes I can swear that he likes me, like he'll wait for me after a class, give me a hug or call me to go to his dorm and watch tv, but other times I second guess my feelings about him, knowing that he'll never ask me out or like me the same way I like him. To make things worse, I introduced him to one of my best friends, and I firmly believe there's chemistry between them and even though they don't know it yet, I think they're going to go out. I mean, I really care for him, and I try to show it anyway I can, but I don't think he's seeing it. Like, I rushed to bring him food because he's been really sick with an upper respiratory infection and he seemed really gracious.It's making me really depressed and I'm trying so hard to get over him, but every time I promise myself that I'll try, I end up getting a call from him or seeing him, and I'll fall for him all over again. Am I just reading too far into things, or looking for any hint that he'll like me. I want to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable... any suggestions? Oh, and sorry it's so long.
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female
reader, justme..x  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 hi :)aww i can genuinely empathize with your situation; poor you!Firstly, don't let this knock your confidence. You have already put yourself down a lot in your question, and please remember that you're a good, unique person (and just as good as your friend) whether he loves you back or not.I think you should tell him. In so many situations have two people sat on their strong feelings for each other until it is too late, and one of them moves on. Your prediction about your friend and Joe is another reason to do it soon.He sounds like a nice guy, and a good friend, so literally the worst thing that can happen is he'll be flattered but not return you. But you never know! He may well be sitting on his own feelings.Only one way to find out! Go for it!!Lots of luck, please reply to say how it turns out :) xxx
A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (2 November 2008):
 I am going through something very similar and have thought about it a lot. Unrequited love sucks more than anything and I genuinely feel for you.I'd tell him how you feel. I found it much too difficult to say it to them in person so I sent her an e-mail, just explaining that I know there was no hope of anything happening but that I just wanted her to know that I want to move on and wouldn't be in touch for a while. She messaged me back saying that she only saw me as a friend and that nothing will change just because I told her and we will always be friends.I will now always be seen as "just a friend" because I didn't tell her soon enough and tried too hard to get to know her. Or maybe it made no difference and that was just an excuse so that she wouldnt have to go out with me. I'll never know and it's going to eat me up for a long time BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL HER HOW I FELT SOON ENOUGH!Do your best to make him see you as a romantic option and not as a friend. If he doesn't feel the same, tell him you need some space for a while. I don't plan to make any contact with her for at least 3 months minimum. I'll leave it for as long as it takes to get over her. Don't try and ignore how you feel. It will only make things much much worse and you'll end up feeling miserable for months on end. I'm not happy with my current situation but its a hell of a lot better than having to hear her talk about boys that she likes.If you are lucky enough that he DOES like you back then the very best of luck to the both of you, I hope he knows how lucky he is. I would be insanely jealous.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Hi,I don't know if this really counts as advice, but I'm in pretty much the same situation. Minus the bit where you said you think there's chemistry between him and a friend of yours.But, if 'Joe' is extremely intelligent, as you say, then maybe he's mature too? In which case I think you should tell him how you feel. At least then you've told him and he knows and who knows, he might be trying to hide his feelings too!I told the guy I like that I liked him even though I thought it would be the biggest mistake of my life, but last week he said because we're such good friends he's never thought about me in "that way" before, but then he invited me to stay with him next weekend so it can't be all bad can it?! :)I think you should sit him down, just you two where you won't be distracted and tell him."If you love someone tell them... more hearts are broken by words left unsaid..."Good luck!
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