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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been unhappily married since my daughter was born seven years ago. I was rejected and ruined. I tried and tried to make things work. I threatened to leave. I found someone that cared. We had an affair for four years. He is also married and going through a divorce. She is packing her things to move out. What should I do? I love him, but I don't want to hurt my husband. I do care about him. I just don't love him anymore. Should I stay together for the kids?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, morrigan  +, writes (11 September 2007):
Life must not be lived in blind obedience to social constructs that were established hundreds of years ago, by those who used religion to control the behaviours of their subjects. Every one should live with honour, in kindness and honesty - but we are not to live in pain and loneliness if it can be remedied. That is not what any God I would want to serve and worship would want for humans.
I wish you love and joy in your life and in your children's lives.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 This sorry crew are judging you *but there for the grace of God* and all that.
You are deeply unhappy, probably because you know you are doing something which society judges people (especially women) very harshly for. Your child desrves parents who are happy who in turn will make her happy. Do not stay in a relationship which is dead if you really think it is over, it will hurt you husband more in the long run if you stay together *just for the kids*.
I hope you find the happiness you desrve and wish you all good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): Here, here 'eyes'! you are 100% correct!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 February 2006):
 Some people DO need a kick in the ass. It's the only way to get their full attention. Actions that knowingly hurt others especially children cannot be condoned for any reason. Sugar-coating cheating, adultery, etc... doesn't change the hurtful repercussions of those behaviors. If you are married you should divorce BEFORE you get into another relationship. It's the honorable thing to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): I guess you should go for what you believe to be the very best for you. If you stay in the marriage just because of the kids, you will probably feel miserable in the long run and this will affect your kids as well. Be a happy person first. If you think there is a chance of you and your husband to get better in the marriage, maybe you could give it a chance... Otherwise, the world is full of divorced parents with happy kids and married parents with miserable kids. I also think it could be appropriate to listen to someone who had been in your shoes. Do you know any people who have gone through similar situation that could talk to?Maybe it could be also appropriate for you to have someone listening to you without prejudices to help you to get a wider perspective of situation and have better chances of a well resolved case.Best luck to you :)PS. By the way, I DO think that some "agony aunts/uncles" are in the need of some advice as well. They seem to be still carrying around wounds of their own in the need of being taken care of. If they were doing well with their emotional lives, they wouldn't be so hasty in labelling other's behaviours and wouldn't come up with bitter remarks. So, to all these BITTER AUNTS/UNCLES: I don't think people come here to be labbeled. they come for help. If you can't do better then kicking their asses, please, keep your mouth shut.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): I guess you should go for what you believe to be the very best for you. If you stay in the marriage just because of the kids, you will probably feel miserable in the long run and this will affect your kids as well. Be a happy person first. If you think there is a chance of you and your husband to get better in the marriage, maybe you could give it a chance... Otherwise, the world is full of divorced parents with happy kids and married parents with miserable kids.
I also think it could be appropriate to listen to someone who had been in your shoes. Do you know any people who have gone through similar situation that could talk to?
Maybe it could be also appropriate for you to have someone listening to you without prejudices to help you to get a wider perspective of situation and have better chances of a well resolved case.
Best luck to you :)
PS. By the way, I DO think that some "agony aunts/uncles" are in the need of some advice as well. They seem to be still carrying around wounds of their own in the need of being taken care of. If they were doing well with their emotional lives, they wouldn't be so hasty in labelling other's behaviours and wouldn't come up with bitter remarks. So, to all these BITTER AUNTS/UNCLES: I don't think people come here to be labbeled. they come for help. If you can't do better then kicking their asses, please, keep your mouth shut.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): There is NO excuse for adultery and fornication. Get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 February 2006):
You should get a divorce. You can then move on with your life. Your husband deserves a faithful partner give him the freedom to find one. Your child deserves a mother she can respect.
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