A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm new to posting on this website, but i have come here for advice before dealing with my relationship. my girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 8 months now. things were amazing in the beginning. she would do anything to please me and we were completely smitten with each other. i spoiled her rotten, went out of my way to do things for her, and was always there for her when she was down. with her, while she is affectionate, spends all her time with me, and can be very loving, i feel as if there's no reciprocation on her end. i have spent an enormous amount of money and effort on her, im always the bigger person when we argue, attempting to fix things. she even acknowledges that i bring more to the table to this relationship than she does. worst of all, she's revealed some of the things she did for her exes in her past, stuff like spending money on them, making them stuff, doing stuff for them sexually that she wont do for me (said she grew out of it?)and this has me confused. she says im her first true love, and that she thot she was in love before but now she knows she truly in love.i dont think ive ever gotten one material gift in the months weve been together. granted shes having financial issues, she still could've attempted to do something like make something for me thats very low cost, honestly id be happy with anything. the problem is im sure she truly does love me, i just dont know why she wont put in an effort to show me. ive talked to her about this and she says she understands where im coming from and that shed try harder to show me, but its been a little while now and i really havent seen much. it makes me upset knowing that she gave her best self to these other guys that she supposedly didnt care about as much as me. as for sexually, shes great, she pleases me, but when ive tried to talk to her about stuff that i would like for her to do, she refuses saying that its degrading. but shes done it in the past for other men shes been with, and she even use to do it for me in the beginning but she said shes changed. honestly this makes me feel like those guys were somehow better than me because she was willing to do it for them but not me. especially after the devotion and love ive shown for her. i dont rlly know how to get things to change or what could possibly be going through her head.
View related questions:
her ex, her past, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Welcome to the wonderful world of relationships, young man. There is no good that will come from her telling you about her past sexual experiences. For it will only end up putting an expectation in your mind, as it seems to be doing here.
And yes, pink topaz hit it right on the head about easing up on the gift giving. It may seem to be second nature out of love, but once again it has created what may be an unattainable expectation of her. and if you go down the path of keeping score, your relationship may not recover.
Id sit tight, not mention it to her for a bit. Give it a few weeks or so. If you ease up even in your own mind, then she may positively respond over another period of time. And after that time if these things don't improve, then you can re-evaluate your relationship and see if she's worth it or whether you require an upgrade.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Fun situation, isn't it?
She gave up too much self-respect to other guys in the past. Now the only way she can get an adquate amount of self-respect back . . . is to take some away from you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for your input, its true in the past she was quite young and she has told me about self image issues and self esteem issues. she's also had a hard time trusting men before men but has since put down her wall. i didnt mean to come off as im expecting favors in return for everything i do for her, i do things out of love for her and i dont even have to think twice about it. i guess what im looking for is just for her to do the same for me. it still irks me however that previous exes seem to get better treatment just because they were the first or they came before me.
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 July 2009):
 So...in the past your girlfriend was a doormat for the guys she was dating, and now you're upset that she's not a doormat anymore? She loves you and gives to you freely of her time and energy. Love isn't about how many gifts you get, or how much you bend over for the other person. If you feel resentful over the balance, pull back.
In regards to the sex...if she doesn't feel comfortable doing those things, please don't push her. Most likely she did those things before because she was insecure, not out of love.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 July 2009):
The question I have is: was she the one that got burned in her past relationships?
I just wonder this because sometimes when a woman gives too much of herself and ends up getting crapped on by a man, it can really change her. I used to think that for a guy to like me or love me, I had to do whatever he wanted me to do...sexually or whatever. I also wanted to buy them gifts to show that I "love them." But then I realized I was doing what the guys should have been doing to me the whole time!
So, in my opinion. She doesn't want to give up too much because she's afraid that if she does, you'll just use her as your doormat and not be appreciative. I really don't think it has anything to do with you at all. But, ease up on the gift-giving etc., why give when you never receive, right?
...............................
|
