A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and gay, and have been dating my boyfriend for the last 2 years. He's 33 so a bit older, but that's not why i am here today. I'm a very sexually active person, that's just the way i am. I don't sleep around or anything like that - completely monogamous.But i am feeling underappreciated by him at the moment. For a long while now our sex life has been pretty much non-existant. Once every few weeks at the very most. And even when we do actually have sex it feels like it's mostly for his benefit than a mutual thing. So i guess i'm feeling a little bit used. When we do have sex, he does his business then goes to clear up and do other things, and i'm left there to finish myself off. It's like i'm on my own.We only really got to see each other at the weekends, so i was putting it down to both os uf being tired from work and college and not having the energy at weekends. Now we've moved in together and still nothing has improved. Sex is quick, seems mainly for him, and i'm left feeling inadequet.Even when i see him hard, and he's in the mood he always says "later" or "not now". By the time it gets to later, i've lost any sort of will for sex, and am not in the mood.Furthering to this he seems to only want sex immediately before bed, so afterwards i'm wide awake and he's fast asleep. I've told him i don't like sex before i go to sleep when i'm tired but he still does it anyway.He evens teases me, playing with my nipples and other such things and then completely turns himself off to me and goes about what he was doing in the first place, which makes things that much worse.I'm very sexually frustrated and feeling horrible at the moment and am needing some sort of advice on maybe why he's doing this and what i should do?Thanks for your Time!Anonymousx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Try to have sex with him in the morning, then you wouldn't have to have sex in the evening. In a relation ship its about tending to both peoples needs in a relation ship, not just one. When you don't want to have sex you force yourself to. But he does it when its convenient for him, cant he push him self to having sex with you. I think its wrong for him to get your body horny then to turn and walk away. I would leave him if it doesn't get better. Maybe he needs something for the extera boost to get more horny. I think its wrong to just leave the room before you guys are finished. Talk to him about it because the balls have been in his court, in this relationship, take some more control to where its mutual respect. I think if it doesnt get better leave him, because you deserve better than that, right.
A
female
reader, dummyduckling +, writes (14 March 2009):
 to be honest with you i think you need to sit down and talk to him about this. he needs to understand how your feeling and that the relationship you share is a two way thing not just for him. just calmy talk things over and explain your feelings and how he is currently making you feel. dont argue about it just an adult discussion. if his incessive teasing is really getting to you then ask him nicely to stop if he doesnt then tell him to and that no means no. all i can really suggest is that you both sit down and talk things over, and if he cant accept what your saying to him then you need to seriously consider why your in this kind of reationship.
i really hope this helps.
DummyDuckling
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): If he doesn't want sex, it's his right. You can't really force him to.
Put more effort into the relationship side of things first, the sex side is secondary, in most cases.
Hope this helps.
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