A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my partner of 6 years left me 2 weeks before our wedding day because she decided she doesn't love me anymore and needs time to sort out her feelings.I know the reasons why she doesn't love me anymore, and I've talked to her about it a few times and she has confirmed the reasons but still won't give me a chance to change and get our relationship back to the way it was.We have an 18 month old daughter together also so I can't understand the inability to try again if only for her sake.I'm thinking I have no choice other than to give her time and not hassle her for a while and see what she comes up with.It's painful though, to come home from work one day and basically have my life destroyed. I'm not sure what else to say or do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): It was because you said, "I can't understand the inability to try again if only for her [our daughter's] sake" that I made the comment regarding using your daughter as a pawn. It's an easy leap to take, once we have it in our minds that we can convince someone to do something for the child.
It is hard to be alone, but sometimes that's what it takes for us to realize that what we had was good.
If you look back, I would think you probably realized that's how you were acting, but maybe didn't realize it was a problem. I agree that you're both at fault if she didn't speak up, but you can only change yourself. Communication is key to any good relationship, in my opinion, be it a parent/child, bf/gf, husband/wife, friend/friend. All relationships are work and both parties have to want to be in them in order for them to work.
I happen to believe in second chances, but I also know that it's hard to go back.
Space will help her figure out what she wants. Be the 'new' you and don't ask her where she is in her thinking process, etc., when you do have contact with her. Continue to be a good dad to your daughter. Try not to dwell on the sadness. Easier said than done, I know, but worth it in the end. Either you'll get her back or you'll heal in the process of not getting her back and learn to continue on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was basically just a selfish prick for the last couple of years. Didn't help out around the house, expected her to do everything.
Problem is I didn't realise that's how I was acting until now.
I'm definately not trying to use my daughter as a pawn. I just want her to give me a second chance. I think I deserve one. I mean, she never took the time to tell me things were getting this way and instead let it all build up. We're both at fault in my mind.
I'll try and leave her alone for a while. It's just so hard to be alone in an empty house without them. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): I don't believe that working things out for our children is necessarily the right thing. Children are smart and they figure things out. Seeing their parents unhappy together doesn't make for good role models, if you ask me. (Remember, they will emulate their parents, no matter how much or often we say "do as I say not as I do.)I know this isn't what you want to hear, but as parents we make sacrifices our entire lives - good and valid and wonderful sacrifices. It's what parents do, so there are plenty of sacrifices to come. But to ask your former fiance to try to be happy with you for the sake of your child is selfish and manipulating. Whatever you did, it's THAT which needs to be overcome. Be a better person, if what you did wasn't so great. Prove you're not going to do that again, if that's a concern. Look at yourself and find the person she fell in love with in the first place. Give her some time and be parents together, but don't push her. Don't use your daughter as a pawn in the game of love and respect. It's just not right.
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A
female
reader, angel_of_luv  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 firstly what makes you think she doesn't love you anymore! I think you should give her some space to sort her head out and then maybe have a chat.
Perhaps meet up for a coffee to try and resolve things for the sake of your little girl. Good luck, hope this helps you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): What did you do? If she did the same thing that you did that her not love you, would you react the same way she did? I believe you should give her some time alone, and then try to work it out for the sake of your daughter. Good Luck. :]
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