A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I'm in a little dilemma.About 10 months ago, I was dating this really, really, I mean REALLY nice guy. He was a great boyfriend, and our relationship was great. Thing is, by the time I met him, he had already signed up to go overseas and study in France for a year. So that time eventually came, and he had to go. When he left, we didn't exactly break up, but we didn't stay together either. It was more like a "we'll stay in contact, and see how things are when I come back". And that's what we did. We would talk for a couple hours at least once a week, and catch up on things. That went on for a couple months until we were both so busy we didn't have that time to talk anymore and we eventually stopped talking altogether. There was never an argument, we were just going on with our busy lives.. (Which is normal, right?)As time went by, I eventually met this other guy. We were nothing more than acquaintances for a long while with absolutely no initial plans on dating. One night, we ended up talking, and sparks flew. It wasn't too long before we started dating. This is the guy I'm still dating now. Our relationship is great, we never argue, because if we disagree, we always talk things out without making a big fuss out of them. I love spending time with him, and we always have a blast. The only problem that we have, is that he smokes pot...and that is just something I'm not fond of at all. He knows that, and we've talked about it. We have recently discussed the topic, and came to an agreement of lowering his doses over time as an effort for him to quit. He's not very happy with the idea of quitting, but he's giving it a try. Normally, I wouldn't put up with those kind of things, but I am giving it a shot considering he's a an overall amazing guy excluding that.But anyway, that's not the dilemma.The dilemma is that recently, my ex boyfriend (that is in France) contacted me. We caught up and he told me he is coming home in about a month and a half. He showed a whole lot of interest in meeting up with me again, and it was honestly nice to hear from him.Now, I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend, and want to help him through his problem so we can keep going with out great relationship...but then again my last relationship was amazing too.And honestly, I couldn't imagine breaking it off with my current boyfriend.On the other hand, I feel like I kinda cheated my ex out by ditching what we already had going on.I just don't know what to do..
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice! It really did help me make the best decision.
By the way, I stayed with my current boyfriend. :)
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (11 May 2010):
 We often romanticise the past but what you're forgetting is that your ex is a different person now. Sure you might still hit it off but I wouldn't expect things to be the same as before...and I think that's what you're hoping for. You also never 'ended' things with him, so perhaps you still want to know how things would have played out between the two of you if he had stayed in the country. That's why you say 'I feel like I kinda cheated my ex out by ditching what we already had going on.'
As for your present boyfriend, I wouldn't condone any drug use. Realistically speaking, do you think this will be a problem in the future? He might quit and never get into it again but habits and addictions are hard to break.
So what should you do? I think you need to ask yourself what you want long term. The ex is a different person now than he was when you two parted and you have to realize that things between you two won't be the same. Perhaps he hasn't kept in touch with any friends at home and now that he's back he's looking for familiar faces to make the transition easier...and that's where you come in. Has he said he wants to get back together or has he just suggested to meet up? Are you jumpin the gun here?
I think you're stuck in the 'what if' zone. It's never easy but to help you make a decision, ask yourself what you would regret more in the future...staying with your current boyfriend and letting the ex go, or getting back with the ex to try things out again and leaving your current boyfriend. You might say that you don't know but deep down you do know.
It's possible that neither guy is the one for you in the long run but I would rather do someting about it now and regret it than never do anything at all and always wonder what if.
Having said that I wouldn't jump into anything. Meet your ex when he returns and spend some time with him. Tell your boyfriend that you're meeting with an old friend. Take it slow and try to figure out what will make you happy in the future.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 May 2010):
 I feel that your destiny is with your present b/f. No doubt you had an amazing relationship with him, circumstances prevented you from being together. Could it be fated?
I hope your b/f can kick his pot habits. If he loves you he will try his best to give it up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): Pot heads are not worth it take my advice you will only get hurt in the end
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