A
female
age
30-35,
*eartbroken20
writes:Please help me. I've been through two horrible break-ups this year. The first was a two-year relationship, my first love, the first guy I ever slept with.The second lasted about 7 months. I wanted it to work so badly. I was in love with him. Both times, I was lied to and never knew about it until the relationship was over, or almost over. Both times, I was lied to about a girl.The first time, I was cheated on. The second time, my boyfriend talked to his ex behind my back and lied about it. He went to smoke pot and sleep with her only a day or two after we broke up. This is in addition to disrespecting me in other ways -- walking out on me during almost every argument we'd have, lying about where he was and what he was doing, not answering the phone on a regular basis, among other issues... A few days after the break-up, he called to "talk" about everything, only to tell me that he had never really loved me, and he'd only said it because it was what I had wanted to hear.It's almost the holidays, and I'm alone. I'm trying not to break down, but I cry during all of my down-time. The only things that keep me going are school and work. Finals week is keeping me so busy, but when it's over, I will have too much time to sit here and think. I don't have many friends, so I can't go out whenever I want and forget about everything. I don't have a problem eating out alone, shopping alone, or doing anything alone, but even doing these things, I'm still alone, and all I can do is think about everything that's happened. And it hurts so much.It's easy to see all of the red flags looking back... But it's hard when the relationship has much good to offer, too.I try very hard to think positively... I know I deserve better. I just don't think I will ever find it.I don't know where to go from here. Please help me.
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female
reader, heartbroken20 +, writes (18 December 2009):
heartbroken20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses... It just hurts to know that I'm all alone, and he has this girl... It feels like he will learn nothing from this, and I have to suffer. During the holidays, no less. :(
He tried to apologize for everything and get back together with me, but he also said he couldn't change his behavior in any way -- and, bottom line, he still needed to be able to see his ex (as a "friend"). I was in utter disbelief at this. Of course I told him that it wouldn't work.
I can't even imagine dating anybody -- dealing with other women, and exes, and hoping some guy could delegate time for me. I wish I could just jump into a committed relationship and not deal with any of the BS anymore. The truth is, and this is going to sound extremely sexist, I really just feel so disgusted with men.
I'm so lost...
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Hi thats sad i was just thinking i consider my self a nice guy but girls still play hard to get well i think you need to start doing that i mean screening the guys that come your way may help but time will heal you i guess cheating seems to be a thing guys do tiger woods wife is gorgeous and he was still cheating so i guess it doesnt have anything to do with the girl some guys just cant control themselves alot of guys. any way dont give up things will get better
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Wow, I can empathize with you.
My ex girlfriend just broke up with me after 2 yrs. She was my first serious gf, my first partner, everything. And then she dumped me for no good reason (she even said I did nothing wrong) and 3 days later starts going out with an older guy...
Love is rlly rlly hard. Its been a month and half since my ex broke up with me and I still think about her everyday. Ur bfs obviously dont give a shit about you, and although it makes it harder and heart tells u to forgive them, dont. I got through this everyday where I want to love her so badly but I have to try and stop myself. You will find someone else, just like everyone told me.
Were both young so give it time. Also wait a bit before your next relationship. Because I get the impression you went out with your second boyfriend immediately after. As for the holidays, exams and all, well the only thing I can tell you is goodluck. Try as hard to focus your energy for school and then let yourself feel sad about it all. Likewise to you, I feel very alone all the time. Everyone tells me I'll get used to it.
It hurts when you love someone and they lie to you so easily about their feelings, ect. Your not the only one out there feeling like this, Im proof of that as im in a very same situation as you.
Goodluck with everything, dont get in another relationship for at least a good 4 months or more.
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