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*coobygt
writes: Hello allBriefly, I was friends with my ex for 11 years (Age 14 started). We hung out with each other but nothing serious. She had an affection with me from day one. We eventually got together when we were both 21. We were together for 8 months before I was transferred to another city. We kept the long distance relationship going for 2 1/2 years but now we have split. I wanted to marry her but she wouldn't move to where I was. Being my first long term relationship this is destroying me inside. She started distancing herself from me and keeping herself ultra busy. I suspected someone else. All the signs where there. This entire year I've been running back to her like a love sick puppy. Eventually I said to her if she wants me in her life then great, if not I'm moving on. Not once did she ask me to stay. I eventually said okay, I'm moving on. I called her a few days later to try sort things out but she said I must move on as she has things to do with her life. I was devastated that someone who I thought truly loved me could just walk away so easily. I asked to please just tell me if she didn't love me anymore and how could she just throw away everything. She said she doesn't feel she needs to discuss that with me. It's been 7 weeks now and I still haven't received any of my stuff back from her. I want to call her because I miss her but I'm not allowing myself to do all the running back anymore.Being my only true love it's killing me. I can't let go of her. I'm hoping shell come back but it's been too long now. I just can't accept you give up on something we both worked so hard at.Any help to move on?
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female
reader, mystic max +, writes (5 February 2006):
The first time my ex left me, he had good reason. he found out the week before i'd slept with someone else. The reason I slept with someone else was that I was feeling very insecure about the relationship. The way he was treating me at the time. He was making me feel like he didn't love me anymore, or didn't want to be with me. I was devastated when he left. I couldn't believe it was over because of something i'd done. It wasn't up to me to say weather we could kiss and make up it was out of my hands.I pleaded and begged him to come back. Telling him over and over how sorry I was. How i'd never do anything like that again. From the day he took me back til today, I can't count the amount of times that man has left me. What ive come to understand from this and when i look back at other relationships i've been in is this When somebody you love and that loves you starts treating you differently, when you start having doubts about the way they feel about you and your gut tells you that there is something going on in your partners head that you don't know about. Your probably right. I know you'll agree with me, the signs we're all there before. You knew something wasn't right but you didn't want to push it too far because deep down you probably knew the answer. When she wouldn't move with you. When you truely love someone and you also know they love you back, you would do anything or go anywhere to be with that person. You wouldn't ever want to see them hurt or be the one to hurt them. If you did you would do everything in your power to put it right. wouldn't you? you don't ever want to be without them.You woul've went with her if it was the other way wouldn't you? But still you stay covering over the cracks, not talking about the things that are bad even though you know you both know whats going on. It's called pretending. Not wanting to face up to the reality of starting agin, being alone.It's horrible it's scarey! My one regret in life the one thing i wish, is that when deep down i knew a relationship was over I would've shuck hands and walked away because it would've saved years of fights, tears, little heartbreaks here and there. everytime they didn't make the effort for me it hurt so much, but much more because i knew i was settling for second best.Why cheet yourself I knew that i was worth more, but the rejection from them made me cling to them more. Fore if they don't love me,no one else will either. You can't make somebody love you. you can probably make them stay a bit longer becaause they do care for you and they feel sorry for you and guilty because they have fell out of love with you but they no you still love them and they don't want to hurt you. But who wants that? Not me! And i assume not you. So now what i sugjest you do is, keep busy. Try not to let yourself think about her. i know it's hard god i do. but you do have to try. I will tell you this i don't think when you get hurt and lose someone you love you ever get over it. I think you just learn to live with it. As like they say.....Time is A great healer.Never a truer word said. You'll see. good luck.Learn from it.
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female
reader, brown_eyed_angel83 +, writes (15 September 2005):
I want you to know I know exactly what you are going through. I am in feeling the same agonizing, out-of-this-world pain that you are feeling at this same moment. My ex of 3 months will not give us a second chance (we broke up mutually). I have been trying everything in my power to get him back and nothing. You can't force someone back no matter how much you want them back.
Your ex sounds like she has already moved on. She will probably always think of you and love you (especially if you were her first). But regardless, you need to respect her choice, no matter how much it hurts, your ex wants to be happy and you should want her to be happy too.
I know I am sounding preachy, but I need to live what I preach. I need to move on. I need to stop calling and trying to make contact with my ex.
It's almost proven that as long as you chase someone, they will pull away. Don't ever chase but be chased. But you said you have stopped talking to her and she hasn't called you in seven weeks. That's a while. And if she told you to move on, you need to make your family and friends you support system. Maybe even seek therapy because there's nothing wrong with that. I am going next week for my first session.
But whatever you do, don't keep putting yourself through this pain. It's like have mini-heartbreaks every time you feel the rejection. If you love yourself, you'll work toward finding someone that will love you back and realize what a special person you truly are. Who knows, she may realize that you are "the one" for her and it'll be too late. Funny how Karma works. But anyways, if you ever want to chat, since we are going through the same ordeal, please don't hesitate to write me at [email address blocked]
Good luck and remember: Take care of YOU and everything WILL get better!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2005): I understand that you are feeling very low at the moment, but the first thing that you have to realise is that love CAN fade, and the second being that there is no such thing as "THE ONE". I had a friend in a very similar situation to you, her boyfriend was her first long term boyfrind and first love. I am certainly a believer that you can never love someone as much as you do the first time round, but then you can never be as hurt as you were the first time round. You need to accept from her answer that she doesn'tlove you anymore and imagine how the relationship would actually be if you were together now, she would be unhappy and not in love. Ask yourself would you be happy like that? Of course the answer would be no, and if you really love her, you should want her be happy. However you can look at this in a positive way, it may not be exactly what you want to hear right now, and it may not be the most comforting thing, but there really are plenty more fish in the sea. Go out, enjoy yourself, make more time for your friends and talk to them about how you are feeling, keep yourself busy and active. Take up an enjoyable hobby, perhaps one where you will meet new people. Maybe not even for a relationship, but for friendships, why noy join the gym? go to classes whether it be for excercise or for evening classes. The possibilities are endless and the people you meet could be friends or perhaps more, for a very long time.
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