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female
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*mprewitt
writes: Dear Cupid, I'm a 30 year old women and inexperienced. I'm married and I have concerns. My husband wants a freak in the sheets everyday all the time maybe the least 1 a day. I know nothing to be freaky and I know he's bored with me because he mentioned sex all the time of what he wants but he wants me to initiate it. It's hard to initiate knowing he wants a freak and I'm not and have no knowledge of freakyness. I want him to teach me what he wants so I can fullfill him but he seems pushed off from me. We can't have a simply conversation without arguing so I'm scared to loose him due to sex. I looked up on the net different sex positions I feel very uncomfortable. What do I do? I have a hunch that he is looking for that freak and its not me; what do I do? I love him and is willing to do anything but my inexperience is hurting our sex life. I really hate to find out that he found a freak out in the streets and he's not willing to teach me the freakiness that he wants to keep him happy. Please help I truly need it and I need it fast he's gradually pushing away. I need to stop him. tmp
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female
reader, yakyakfire +, writes (15 November 2005):
Hello I understand what you mean, my partner has some really wierd desires (probably quite normal just seem weird to me). I am not really in to sex and find it easiest sometimes to treat it as an experiment. Tying my husband up and blindfolding him, doesn't make me horny but it does make me more comfortable. I hate oral sex but have surprised him by washing his toes with a warm flannel or dripping candle wax on his bum. these things feel like a compromise to me as they keep him interested but are nit too uncomfortable for me. Hope this helps
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): "What is this freak of which you speak? I do not know. "Hee. Sorry but it is a little funny. We never got much of a definition of what freaky was (lights on?). He is "pushing you away". And you "need to stop him". Work on what you thought your compatibility was when you got married. Beyond that, have a conversation when you limit the "freak" to one or two days a week. In those sessions you'll agree do whatever he wants if the other days he agrees to have sex with intimacy and caring. At this point it appears that you have not quite been delivering what he is looking for and that why he is still asking. But there need to be bounds... you need to have a relationship as man and woman. You cannot be wild and libidinous all the time, clearly that will not work. He cant have a conversation with you about refinancing the mortgage while you are sensusously licking the counter top. So try that- 5 days of being grown ups, and two days of the freak that dare not speak its name. Then see where you are
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): I may be off base with my advice but perhaps some other readers may have better advice but I will voice my thoughts here, anyways. If he wanted a "freak" in the sheets why didn't he marry one? Your husband has specific sexual standards and he's making you feel 'inadequate' for not living up to those standards. This is very wrong of him to do this and this makes me think, that you have an incredibly selfish, immature husband there. This problem in the bedroom, can be resolved with love, patience and respect, on his part but he's putting it all on your shoulders. This is not what a loving marriage is. A truly loving husband is considerate and thoughtful, not self-centered and hurtful. Haven't you started asking yourself why your partner treats you the way he does? Many people are afraid to admit that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship.
There is a difference between love and worship. Love/marriage is place where as adults we give and get in relationships. There is a commitment to each other which supersedes all other desires. Worship is a place where we give our hearts over to someone unconditionally, no matter what they do how or how they behave. Women often sacrifice their integrity and their self-respect when they worship a man. Know that what you share with this man is "not healthy love" it's just mere worship.
You may be desperate for his love, he knows it and he's taking full advantage. Lots of people who want to be in a relationship so bad, they overlook certain behaviors, in their partner that is way out of line. This is what you are doing, dear. He's not treating you with respect. I think it's time for you and him to have a long talk about respect, honor and valuing you in this marriage. If I'm wrong on this, then disregard what I am saying. Just my opinion-take it or leave it.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (4 November 2005):
Many couples have found 'role play' as a way to spice up their sex life. It's about being an actor.If you really don't want to do it, then don't, but you could at least give it a try. Take on a different persona. Becoming 'someone else' could remove you from the emotions you feel as yourself. Your alternate persona could be a woman how is very comfortable with herself and is more than confident to experiment with unknown sexual activities. She may even find her arousal through experimentation. Play around with it, have fun. Give it your best shot, and if it doesn't work, drop me another line and we'll see where we can go from there.
Good luck, be brave.
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A
female
reader, helski +, writes (4 November 2005):
hey babe,,,,dont worry, it seem you two have a lack of communication, if he wants some kind of sex that you are totally unfamilliar with, ask him to introduce you to it, look on the internet TOGETHER
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): I may be naive but I don't know what you mean by freak. He does sound a bit highly sexed, but that doesn't matter as long as you are not getting hurt. If you mean by freak to be just more than lying back and opening you legs then don't worry as it'll get easier the more you experiment. He may be turned on by your lack of experience and enjoy the idea of you having a go at doing what you think may turn you on. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring each other whatever position there is. I suggest you ask him to resist the temptation to penetrate you so quickly, and have a go at making you want sex. Get him to stroke you between the legs very very gently for at least 15 minutes and I guarantee you'll be craving for it yourself if you haven't already come to orgasm by then.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): TMP~
Im in a relationship with an Airmen and yes I do under stand the "freakyness" that men like. Well, the problem was that "I" the female was the kinky one not him. Yet I let him know what I wanted to feel and how and where. If he needed more information I'd give it to him. Also Id show examples and let me try them out to see if he liked them and he did. It all takes alittle bit of team effort and some nudges here and there to break him out of his shell. But I have experienced other Military guys that Ive dated that say they want a freak and when they get what they want it seems to not matter or they dont know how to respond to what they're getting. Maybe your husband just thinks he desires a freak to satisfy his sex drive. If you have any close friends that could give you some pointers or are on the same boat as you is another option. Personally I would be blunt and come out and say "Honey I love you very much and I know you desire good things. So please tell me or atleast show me what it is that you want. I am willing to do it and learn." Or atleast somewhere along the lines of that. It should ease the tension when you guys talk. I hate to say this but guys dont like loose girls. They will marry them and make love to them but they dont really enjoy it. NOT saying that it applies to you but... When hes on top of you and is going in and out- well when he pulls out alittle gently push together the walls of your clit/vagina then when you feel it pushing back in easy off slow yet leave some friction.-
Im told when I do it that it makes me feel extremely tight and they love it. I am very active and run alot so I dont neccesarilly have to do it but I do because my partner enjoys it. So just experiment on little details that you wouldnt that matters. It could improve things. Like candles or music maybe a nice gesture said. Little things go along way. Sorry if this strays around alot but I hope I did induce your mind to use your imagination (freaky doesnt always pain). Good luck with your marriage and sex life. Even though I believe sex is a healthy part of a relationship but it shouldnt be the focus point of it all. If your husband thinks that than he truely needs to figure out his priorities and feelings. Rememeber a freak in the sheets but a lady on the street... Bye
contact me at: [email address blocked]
if you want to talk more okay.
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