A
female
age
41-50,
*NGIE762010
writes:"OPs Own Title" Hi Everybody...I'm new here so go easy on me...Where's my situation...I hope it makes sense to you all!!!I've been "seeing" this guy for 3 yrs next month...I'll call him "Hank"...We both have been through a lot of the same things with relationships and life in general...Over the past 3 yrs we've gotten very close...Maybe a little too close...Yea...I threw the "L" word out a little over a year ago...Which doesn't come easy for either of us...He said he loved me too...But We both are afriad to take that next step...I have help him a lot since we've known each other...Moved him from one state to another...And drove him over 100 miles everyday...From Northeast Ohio to Southwest PA for a week while we looked for a place for him to live...He had NO PLACE to stay...so he stayed with me...I helped him with the deposit for his apartment...He had been working as a driver for the biggest bus company in the country for 1 1/2 yrs...The "grey" puppy...I have proved myself to his family...B.T.W. His mother loves me and wants us to get together...She has told me several times He wants me to move to where he is...But with being the type of guy he is...HE'd never come out and say it because he's been hurt pretty bad by his ex-wives...Emotionally and finacially...I have stood by him through a very bad realtionship when this lady cheated on him with SEVERAL of his co-workers...FINALLY...Here's my question...Like I said earlier...He drives for the bus company and where he's at now...There's not enough hours for him to survive...So he wants to transfer to another...Bigger city...He said he was thinking about moving back to the mid-west...Here...N.Y.C. or Philly...He has left some clothes at my place and was asking about a house down the street from my Grandmothers...But he's talking a lot about moving farther East...I have offered to move to where he's at now...Getting a place with him and splitting everything......We have talked about that in the past...But then my mom's health wasn't good and I couldn't leave her...I don't want "Hank" to move...If he does..We both know we wont see each other again.....How can I talk him into stay where he is? I think he's afraid to take that step because...And I'm not trying to say I'm "All that"...But from what he and his mom had told me...He's never been with a woman as faithful and dedicated as myself...Any advice is welcomed and appreciated!!!! Thanks for reading!!!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2010):
 I'll go easy on you, but I must point out a few things that you might not see. First of all, why are you doing all the work in this relationship? You're supporting him financially and emotionally. You're bending over backwards and lavishing him with love and attention to prove that you're not like his evil ex. You're the one who said "I love you" first, and it took you 2 years to do it, and he wouldn't have had you not said it.
You're chasing him, pursuing him, talking about moving all over the place with him. Most importantly, he's letting his mom say things that he should be saying.
You're a good person, but you're SO concerned with trying to make HIM comfortable and pleasing HIM that you've left yourself wide open. You will never get the level of return on the affection you've been lavishing on him. With all of the care you've taken to guard HIM, you have left yourself wide open to be decimated by him.
Whenever someone talks about the "multiple" times they've been hurt, that brings up a red flag for me, the same as if he had said that he was married 5 times. I'd be thinking "Something's amiss here". Well, from what I've been reading, something is amiss with this guy.
I hesitate to even say this to you, because I'm 99% sure that what I'm about to say will fall on deaf ears, but you should not move in with this guy. You should let him move away and not see you again. HE needs to be taking as much care with you as you do with him, and it's obviously not the case right now, or he'd never let you give him money, and he wouldn't be having his mom tell you stuff and making you "prove" yourself over and over again.
You need to back off of him and let him start proving yourself to you, or you'll find out one day that you love him a lot more than he loves you.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (14 June 2010):
 I'm sure you've heard:"You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink", right?
If you're certain you'll never see each other again if he moves farther away, I just have to ask: why are you so concerned over this guy? Your relationship with him is obviously one-sided. No matter how dedicated and faithful you are, it just doesn't seem to be bringing him where you want him to be. Think about it.
Why continue to worry over something that really isn't? I'm thinking you're caught up in the idea of what *might* be, rather than what is.
Dedicated, faithful women are hard to come by so I recommend you seek out a man who has actual appreciation for your qualities. Don't waste them on someone who obviously has no interest in them.
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