A
female
age
41-50,
*oelle-eve
writes:"OP Own Title" trust is broken by myself towards my bridesmaid/best friend.I have none to blame but myself. I'm not out for sympathy or anything because I don't want it or deserve it.my best friend who is also my bridesmaid and who I have know for 8 years went to london with myself and we had a great time. on facebook I had various pictures of us online one of them was of her not particularly the best shot.anyway I started making these comments which where funny, and another of are friends also thought was funny. she asked me to take it down as her human resources at her workplace was on her "friends" list and she had recently asked for a payrise and didn't want them to see her able to afford certain luxuries in case it would go against her getting the payrise no matter how small it would be.anyway I didnt take it down and i had also at that point tagged her in a number of the photos which she said was drawing attention if her human resources friend happened to look.she had phoned me and we had a great chat talking about random stuff she had mentioned the pictures again and mentioned again she didnt want her human resources friend to see them.afterwards i went online and logged in as someone else and started making "funny" comments regarding "certain pictures" since then she has banned me from her facebook and has said she wont be going on either of my hen dos which are in Nov and Oct. She sent me a note of txts saying I have done nothing but draw attention to the photos. signing is as someone else was the last straw. the last txt she sent me was that she believes I had meant harm, that I had gone out of my way to paint her in a bad light ever since she had told me she had asked for a payrise. she ended it by saying I was a nasty twisted stirrer and was not a friend she wants and to grow up.I can hardly blame her for being angry. I dont know why I did it I just saw it as harmless fun taking the mickey out of her. it unfortunately got out of hand by myself being a total immature prat.I dont know how to rectify the situation like I say im not wanting any sympathy it wasnt a nice thing I did it wasnt something a friend should have done and I am ashamed of it. I dont want to lose 8 yrs of friendship. I tried to apologise but she didnt believe it was sincere and then refused to take my call. I thought I would let her calm down till the end of the month while and try and apologise again after that and ask her to give me another chance.Im such an idiot. please help me
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female
reader, noelle-eve +, writes (26 July 2010):
noelle-eve is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThx guys. I wrote her a letter and she has since made up with me deciding to forget about wot happened, put the events behind us and time for a fresh start. She also said i may as well get back onto facebook.
Somehow (as I told her) i dont think ill be going back onto facebook for a long time. I used to spend every day on it and wen i think about it now i think i became far too engrossed in it in an unhealthy way. Anyway i reckon my parents will be plsed also since they have to pay the phone bill etc!
The thing is although weve decided to patch things up Im not sure if its just me but i feel like its still very awkward between us like a gap that didnt used to be there. I know thats cos of my fault but i just wish things would go back to wot they were like before this happened.
Im hoping its just a case of "time will heal" and all that. I havent actually spoke to her on the fone or met up with her yet r conversations have all been via txts. I did suggest meeting up but it hasnt happened yet. I suppose i just have to give it time. Im treading very carefully and im not constantly txting her. Im waiting till she txts me before i will txt her as i dont want to appear to be pushy. Im just waiting for her to make the first move and im going along at her pace.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Give it a month. But send her a message first/try talking to her, and then explain that you are sorry. Then let her be for at least a month or more.
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A
female
reader, noelle-eve +, writes (22 July 2010):
noelle-eve is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know i have to give her time, but i dont know how long i leave it till i try again to apologise either by phone or more preferable face to face. I just dont know if i should leave it for a couple of weeks or a month before trying again. I feel that if i contact her too soon she wont want to listen to me
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 July 2010):
What you did wasn't good at all. But what I don't get is.. why didn't she just untag herself? Anyway, the best you can do now is take down those friggin pictures once and for all. You should have done it as soon as she asked you to. Then just hope she will forgive you.
Maybe you need to not focus so much on your own fun, but on other peoples feelings. Your friends are not there to entertain you. Sucks if she wont come to the hen nights, but so be it. Your life will go on even if she doesnt show up, and then maybe you guys will be friends again after everything has calmed down.
If she does get that pay raise, I bet she will soften up to you. If she doesn't get it she might be furious and blaming you, which means it will take longer for the two of you to patch things up.
In my experience, a fall out of grand style takes about 6 months to get over.
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A
female
reader, noelle-eve +, writes (21 July 2010):
noelle-eve is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your letters. I made a istake its actually 10yrs weve been friends for.
I did txt her the day it all happened to apologise but and didnt believe the sincerity of my apology and refused to answer my phone calls. I know i have to give her time, but i dont know how long i leave it till i try again. I dont know what the chances are of her forgiving me either. She is very angry
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 I don't think we have to make her feel any worse by yelling at her or reprimanding her. She's admitted she's at fault and at this point she's just looking for ways to rectify the situation.
Unfortunately you are just going to have to be patient. Clearly she's very mad at you. Facebook and calling are all out. I suggest either writing a very long letter apologizing profusely or visiting her in person. Either way, be honest. Apologize like you've never apologized before and hope she forgives you. Oh..... and NEVER to it again.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, The wife listener  +, writes (21 July 2010):
Well, it sounds as if you do need to give this friend a big apology. have you just phoned her or have you made the effort to speak to her in person. You need to approach her with cap in hand. By that i mean, going round to see her a home and doing something nice for her, something that you know she would like, chocolates, flowers, dinner or the movies etc. Explain that you do appreciate her friendship and are truly sorry for being such a bitch. Just remember that actions always speak louder than words and if she wants to blast you with her feelings, accept it, gracefully. If she's not ready to forgive you. Write her a letter explaining that you understand and will always be there for her if ever she wants to rekindle your friendship.
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