A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted last week about my girlfriend being entitled to her privacy.. since then it has been a roller coaster of me having hope and thinking things will change and utter despair.I do not know how to cope with this situation that she has/I have put myself in. I live with her. Support her. Her family now knows who I am and that she lives with me. They want to move her out of our home. I understand she is not married to me and not required to stay but is not this relationship practically over with if she leaves? She doesn't even seem to want to fix things. Leaving me with a lease and bills that I have paid alone for the full duration.. I have helped her financially with school. I just feel so used and taken advantage of. She swears it is not like that but where is her effort to be emotionally or even financially supportive? I am having an extremely hard time trusting her. Sometimes her behavior just sends off huge red flags and when I act on my instinct I find something in which case she transfers blame to me.. swears she has done nothing wrong, tells me I deserve better and threatens to leave. Why do I feel guilty!? What did I do wrong?This is long. I'm sorry. Basically I am alone in our town. I moved over 1000 miles away for this relationship to grow. I have not told my family what is going on - for sake of embarrassment and shame (they know I live with her though). However, her family is coming here this Monday. I am extremely nervous for what is going to happen. I feel helpless in this situation and so hurt. Her father, who she refuses to speak with, is even flying in from her native country and coming here with her mother and brother.I am so worried.. I have to work a good part of Monday.. I am afraid I will come home to nothing. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): Well.. she lied to me, so did her mom. They told me they were coming this weekend but sure enough I came home and everything was gone today... It does not look like I will be getting much more advice on the situation. Thank you all for your help. I will just resign myself to the fact that people disappoint you in life..
my previous post was:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-she-still-entitled-to-her-privacy-after.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): @anon1I did not help her expecting something in return. My expectations were that moving in together we would do our best to equally contribute to this household. She is on the lease with me, but has rarely been here and has barely helped financially. I feel her commitment in making such a big decision with me was broken, not only financially but emotionally. She specifically asked for help with the school bill.@anon2She technically emotionally cheated. Whether or not it was romantic, she denies that. However, she was having continuous communication with an ex via skype and gmail. From what I saw it looked romantic. She says that is just cultural. The biggest issue I have with it was that she specifically lied about the topic for months. Also she began to become more distant during that time.I want her to stay because I love her, and made a commitment to her. I keep my word. She is pretty non-materialistic as far as asking for nice things or going places. But those are just typical activities one does when dating no? When I speaking of finances I am purely talking about what she agreed to contribute 8 months ago.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): How is she not making an effort? Did she cheat on you?
Why do you want her to stay when you say you feel used? If she is taking your money to go shopping or always wants to go to fancy restaurants...why are you with her?
You are obviously financially conservative and living alone takes a lot of money,so next time she wants to go to a fancy restaurant or to the mall to shop..say no
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): Did you help her out with school because you wanted to, or were you expecting something in return?
Sounds to me your needs are not being met and you feel cheated out of what you think you *paid* for.
There is another question here about a guy paying for someone else's wedding. If you give stuff expecting things in return you WILL be disappointed.
Did she explicitly ASK you to help her with her school bill or did you offer thinking this would make her love you?
You are very young and not married...so just let her go. You obviously cannot stand the cultural differences between you and you are both sound unhappy.
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