A
female
age
41-50,
*TRUE IDENTITY
writes:i have been married for almost 2 years i have been with my spouse for 5 years ,he lies about alot of little sometimes big things every time he leaves me he either comes back 1 month or days later or i look for him i have a child she is 13 ,not his,he has no children (medical reasons)he lets people flirt with him and sometimes flirts back i ask him why did he did that or let her do that he says he didnt know what to do every time he leaves he doesnt tell me and i fall into depression and dont eat just cry and try to move on and stay strong for my daughter he worked constuction for 10 years and traveled with his employers and sometimes would come back in 1 month or weeks I finally told him he cannot travel anymore he found a job in our town injured his back has not worked for 1 year fighting workers comp again he is suppost to have surgery soon i feel so burdened and i am a christian my daughter is in her teens,i dont trust my spouse,i work so hard at work i now suffer from ibs because of these problems.i do want to have sexual relationship with him anymore i'm frustrated.help please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Is your husband a Christian? You need to establish some ground rules about what is acceptable behaviour in a marriage. Some people simply do not know the pain they cause by even the smallest flirtations. Ask yourself if you flirt sometimes and if it means anything or not - you may find that you find a small amount of flirtation acceptable. People who cheat have a hard time admitting it out loud and you may never get an honest answer. If he has cheated you should ask yourself if anything has lead him to be like that, can he stop, or is he likely to cheat again. You can pray that God brings him to a point where he behaves like a 'righteous' man.
You sound like you are really really unhappy. A relationship with a boyfriend or husband is only one part of your life. Its so easy to close out everything else life has to offer and just focus on your guy - be it positive or negative. You need support right now - the best place would be to get involved with church, be it counselling, prayer groups or fun activities. Its not fair that the wrong actions of another person (your husband) should be ruining your life when you've done nothing but try hard. I think the first thing is to endeavour to reach out to other people, get help, give help, have fun, learn something new. Don't forget exercise is a great remedy for feeling a bit better and stronger. You'll be in a better stater to think of your next course of action. Really make some time for exercise.
Trust is a difficult thing for some to have and easy for others. I dont believe if you dont trust your husband then you shouldnt be with him - I think it means there's things that need to be discussed and worked through. You should aim to trust him though. That will help if you believe God will change him (and maybe you if you aren't seeing thinsg right).
Take care of yourself first and decide if this relationship is something you can have in your life. God doesn't like divorce and I think that tells us that all things can be changed for the better...
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