A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I deal with a toxic sister inlaw who lives in the same family My husband shares a property with his sister bought by the late mum..We live in the main house and she lives in the quarters ..the lady is older than my husband and has been spoiled since childhood ..She has made it her mission to make my life a living hell ...She is religious and she will start shouting about any moment she sees me ..she doesn't work ...she will pray to God and tell him how filthy I am and shout about and she believes I am her worst enemy...IShe is pampered by the father and knows how to manipulate him since childhood ..my husband can't say much as his one who doesn't like confrontation. And the father has always sided with her We pay for the bills for the whole house ,she doesn't contribute anything ...I even sometimes feed her only child ...I am building my own house but it's a process that is not about to be completed immediately ...I feel exhausted by her mission ...I am abou to end the marriage for this Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2024): Tell her how it makes you feel when she does certain things. It's called using 'I ' statements. It's less confrontational and might lead to a better understanding of each other.
I find it surprising to hear that you think she has made it her mission to make your life a living he'll. Have you ever asked her whether she wants this? None of us can see the motivation of another without asking or saying how we receive their words and actions.
Tell her how it hurts you when she criticises for example, or say how unappreciated you feel when you've tried to help her. This is speaking from a position of humility and likely to get a kinder response.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2024): You contradict yourself when you say you sometimes feed her child. Either she provides for the child or she does not.
You can report her to social services or the equivalent if she does not work, has a mental health issue and neglects her child. Simple. You say you are getting a house built. What is the point of that if you still have to live there or still have to pay other peoples' share of the bills there? You will not be able to maintain everything for both places nor will you be able to be in two places at once when there are problems there. Building a house does not make any of this go away. She does not have dementia, she would be too young for that, and dementia has many other symptoms too not just this, it is mental illness, and she needs a psychiatrist, but she likes being the way she is. Going on about god and not working is her idea of bliss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2024): You have to talk to your husband about this.
Do you think she has Alzheimer's and is incapable of making decisions or doing anything for herself?
Perhaps this is the case as you pay for everything and she forgets she has a child to feed!
Her Loud prayers to God are her way of publicly trying to embarrass you.
She can't say anything to your face because she has taken a passive aggressive pathway.
I guess you are all holding onto the future prospect of a house sale but this is probably too distant to make life bearable to you.
Perhaps the best bet would be to move out and rent a room or a flat elsewhere.
It's just a question of not knowing who is going to flip out first.
For example she might do her Loud prayers and grab a knife to remove the ' evil' in you.
I don't like it when people use religion as a form of control and I am highly suspicious of unstable people insisting that 'God ' told them to do this or that.
At the very least I'd keep a door between herself and myself!
But I don't think the family will kick her out because in their opinion she has more rights than you do.
Which is why you could consider removing yourself from the situation!
Loud criticism is her only form of power.
Similarly I think it is best to move away before you loose your temper either.
Alternatively you could start your own prayers where you loudly ask the Lord to give her a greater understanding of her need to try to be pleasant to the people helping her!
But a conversation with your partner about what his sister is contributing to the home will help you to discover if the father owns the home and you are maintaining him rather than paying rent.
When the father passes away then I would assume the home would pass onto both your partner and his sister, so technically , to her, you are person who is the odd one out!
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